Killing For Love

Title (3/5)

"Killing For Love", I think that's just too plain. A good thing is that it's very straightforward and it fits your story. I haven't seen the progress in the chapters yet except that the foreword explains a bit why your title is like that. 3 marks for you. When talking about capitalizations, it should be: Killing for Love.

Poster & Background & Trailer(9/10)

I personally think your poster is awesome and catchy. Maybe could have been better if the light edges in Jaejoong's picture was also erased and I could imagine it super awesome. I don't have a problem with the background. By the way, I also love the font choice. It really fits the genre of the story.

Description & Foreword(7/10)

I like it. Two words - so long. But that's not the reason why I like it, ha-ha. I like it because you have an interesting foreword, or prologue. The description, which is also about the main characters, it's interesting I guess. I like how you described them. Unfortunately, there is one spelling mistake. Instead of 'Grandpa', you wrote 'Granpa'.

As for your foreword, I like the prologue but there were some wrong grammars and I can just say 'wow' to the characters you put and described. I mean, it took me so long to finish reading those things like seriously. They were too many and every character has an interesting background and past, they could be main characters as well but they aren't. Although I like how you described the characters and their background, I think they are too many and you didn't have to put all of them/described all of them, of course that's unless you wanted to. But in my opinion, I think you revealed too much about the story. It could have been better if you gave us surprises in the future chapters. Okay, I'm going to stop talking about that part.

Some corrections in your prologue: She heard some steps behind her | It could have been: She heard footsteps coming behind her.

JiHee looking at the police officer, begging.| Remember the sentence before that? It was in past tense and then suddenly it's not anymore. It should have been : JiHee looked at the police officer and begged. (or whatever you want to change)

I also think it would be better not to write 'ok', and instead you write 'Okay'.

"No father, Jaejoong didn't kill me."| Okay, so when Ji Hee said that, it made me confused. The person she was talking said "He tried to kill you" not "He killed you" so it's not really right for her to say "Jaejoong didn't kill me". To be exact, it should have been : "No, father. Jaejoong wasn't trying to kill me." or "Jaejoong wouldn't kill me. He wouldn't."

Another thing is - She scanned all his face, accusers. | Okay so, I do not understand that part at all. Or maybe it should be : She scanned all of them, accusers. I don't know what you meant there, especially when it's written 'all his face'. I mean, his is for one person but then there's 'all'. So it doesn't make sense, it's like this single person has several faces. Sorry, I just didn't get it. I feel like she scanned the faces of a lot of people, maybe the accusers or the police or her father.

Plot(5/10)

Honestly, it's interesting. Every character had their own interesting background, even those supporting roles. I think I want to know more of Lee Sungyeol in this story even though he's not the main character. Him missing, beaten 200th time and then suddenly Suki saw him... I just think he is mysterious. Aside from him, other characters are interesting too, all the gang members are and the last interesting here would be those who are not part of the gang. Aside from JiHee, she's rich and she tries to hide that fact, which is commonly interesting. I love the part when she thought Jaejoong was a woman and so this made Jaejoong cut his hair. That scene made me laugh. The only problem I think is that, the killing for love thing is common these days. I know a lot of people love clichés, I mean, I do too but this is just not good enough.

Originality(4/10)

There was creativity, but I guess it still lacked. I love the all the gang’s background stories, I think I would've want to read more about them but that would be too random.

Flow(5/5)

I think it's going to the right way.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary(15/30)

Your vocabulary lagged a bit and some words were repetitive. It could have been better if you used different word for a later paragraph. From the very first chapter, I already saw mistakes.

Chapter 1:

and was leaving when someone called her. | I have no huge or great suggestion of new grammar, but a very simple one is: and started leaving when someone called her.

particulary | wrong spelling. It should be: particularly

discouvered | should be: discovered

even her dad was famous for his own accomplishments | 'of his own---etc'

inteliggence | intelligence

she was loving the fact that she was a Seoul National University student | she is loving the fact that she is a Seoul National University student (you should not use 'was' because it would mean that it was in the past. But she loves it, in the present.)

magnificient | magnificent

conjuction | conjunction

I should stop now. I just wanted to say I found several mistakes, I'm sorry for pointing them out. I thought it would be good to at least be a little specific. Again, you must proofread always, especially for the spelling mistakes. If you reread what you wrote, it will be great, much better.

Writing Style(7/10)

It's not like I don’t like your writing style. I mean, as usual, I base this mark if yours is neat, clean... Exactly not messed up. Yours isn't mess up but maybe the way you use tenses, it's not a very catchy style. And sometimes, the point of view is of an author and then suddenly it turned to JiHee's point of view then author's pov again. 

Just like in chapter 3:

“Where are we going?” Ji Hee asked. If she could choose, she’d be immediately at home. But she couldn’t choose and she needed to protect her friend.

Dong Ho looked at her through the rearview mirror and answered “We’ll go to Night Place Club.”

In five minutes they arrived. Dong Ho took Suki to meet some of his friends and I decided to stay back. I went to ask for a drink on the balcony and sat there, looking around.

You must have noticed it too.

Overall Enjoyment(6/10)

Why I enjoyed it (half I didn't)? First of all, reading about the characters past and background, it made me so hooked and well, I just love it although they were too many. I love the funny parts, the intense fighting scene of GiKwang... and I forgot who the other one is. I don’t know about JiHee, sometimes she annoys me although I don’t have the right to. She annoys me because she won’t let Suki tell others who she really is, a rich girl. I understand her but people are being mean to her, she should stand up for herself. I hate myself for hating her because she won’t stand up for herself. That's all.

Total - 61/100

reviewer: sususco123

a/n: Guess what, I have something random to say. I am distracted of the child crying here! So noisy, I can't concentrate. I know kids...we should love them but sometimes their whines are annoying. Lol that's just random. Ignore me, I'm just pissed off right now.