The Dollhouse

a. Title (3/5)

• I give you a three here on the title. It sounded good honestly but if I were to search AFF for a good story, I don’t think I’ll click on yours. I deducted two since it didn’t really capture my attention. But the title isn’t cliché and it’s very original, I commend you for that.

b. Poster & Background & Trailer (8/10)

• The poster didn’t really fit the story, sorry. The only thing that I see legit in that poster is the key in between them.

• I can sing praises for your trailer all day so I wouldn’t start with that.

c. Description & Foreword (10/10)

• Your description and foreword lured me into reading this. It gave off an enigmatic feeling that leads me to read chapter 1 without expecting anything because my mind is completely bank.

• You foreshadowed the whole story here which is amazing.

d. Plot (10/10)

• Good plot since you drew me from your foreword and description. I can’t say anything but good job! Thumbs up to you!

e. Originality (8/10)

• Very original though the ion part just didn’t do justice here.

f. Flow (5/5)

• Flow is just right. Not too fast, not too slow. As mentioned earlier, just right.

g. Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (20/30)

• Grammar is alright.

• Punctuation is kind of unruly. You keep using apostrophe instead of a quotation mark which makes it, in my opinion, unprofessional. (Though I think you write because you want to pass time??) Plus using periods in the most inappropriate places.

• Spelling is good. I found little to none mistakes so kudos for that!

• Vocabulary is vague at times. Do check the thesaurus every now and then but keep in mind to use the right words appropriate for the sentence you want to use it with.

h. Writing Style (10/10)

• I like your writing style. I won’t say much. 

i. Overall Enjoyment (7/10)

• I want to say that I enjoyed the first few chapters since it was good and your story captivates me but there came a point where it all just dragged the whole story, it wasn’t progressing that much.

• All the more, I still enjoyed the whole story and now I’m waiting for more from you.

P.S: I tried very hard to give you a proper review but since I’m kind of new with this, please spare me? You’re an amazing author and AFF needs more like you. Have a nice day! 

Total: 81 / 100%

reviewed by: nytslyer03