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"A Clash Between Two Different Kingkas (A True Story)"
Title (4/5)
Your title caught my eye. Not something I would click on if I was scrolling through a list of fanfics, unfortunately. But really, I found your title quite interesting and unique.
Poster & Background & Trailer (10/10)
I loved the poster, hands down. It really matched with the mood of the story, and the background complimented it well. The poster was well made and high quality, which I liked.
Description & Foreword (3/10)
The description kind of confused me. There was a lot going on, and it seemed like you had just explained the whole story. From the description, I could already tell it was one of those cliched stories, and it was easy to predict what was going to happen. I did find a few grammar errors, but I'll mention those later. So, all in all, your foreword didn't really capture my attention. It just told me that this was going to be like many of the stories I find here on AFF.
Also, you put descriptions of the characters and pictures of them. In my opinion, to make your story absolutely stunning, you need to be able to tell the reader about your character without listing all of their attributes & personality traits. You should be able to describe the characters, making the reader have a picture in their mind as to what the character looks like.
Plot (3/10)
Plot was cliched. It was the same kind of plot I see in many stories on AFF. It didn't intrigue me and I didn't want to keep reading on. Maybe you could add some little twists and turns, just to catch the reader off guard and make your plot just a tad more interesting.
Originality (3/10)
Pretty much, all I have to say in this area is what I said for the plot.
Flow (5/5)
Flow was good, it didn't move too fast, yet it didn't move to slow either. That's one of the key things to a good story.
Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (10/30)
I'm quite strict on this area, so I'm sorry if I sound a bit mean. I don't mean to, it's just that this is the section I'm most strict on.
Okay, let me start off with the description of your story.
What to do if you are stuck between two different kingkas in your department?
The first one is your best friend and seatmate last year who isn’t even talking a single bit to you and
appears to you as a ghost, when you see each other, you smile at him but he just looks away like
nothing happen last year (don’t you dare think anything bad), he forgot all the memories you two build
up and cherish, you would never forgot all those but your best friend did. All of your classmates tease
you and him as a couple and you really like it but you act cool to not be exposed.
The other is your classmate last year that you didn’t even talk with. Well, just a little bit when there is some activities and all; he is your classmate now and even your seatmate just like the other kingka. This kingka is a hard-headed student and didn’t even listen to class, well just listens when the teacher is really serious and strict.
This didn't really make sense to me. It would make more sense if you wrote it like this:
"What do you do if you are stuck between two different kingkas?
The first one is your best friend, who was your seatmate last year. He doesn't even talk a single bit to you and appears to you as a ghost. When you see each other, you smile at him but he just looks away like nothing happened. He forgot all the memories you two built up and cherished. You would never forget those memories, but your best friend did. All of your classmates tease you and him, saying the both of you are a couple, but you act cool so that people won't suspect you like it. Which, in reality, you did.
The other kingka was your classmate last year, but you didn't even talk with him. The only time you talked to him was during activities. He's your classmate now, and he's even your seatmate. He's hard-headed and doesn't pay attention in class."
And, for the rest of the description, I would just remove it all. It's unnecessary information and you don't really need to be telling the reader that.
Also, the title for the first chapter: My Diary: June 13, 2011: First day of Junior Years. First off, you have the wrong capitalization, it should be, First Day of Junior Years. Secondly, it is supposed to be YEAR, not YEARS.
"I woke up with the sun flashing on my eyes, I rub my eyes to see the surrounding and saw my alarm clock, 5:30am, should I sleep or should I not?".
This shouldn't all be once sentence, you should break it up. Here's how I would have written it:
"I woke up with the sun flashing on my eyes. I rubbed them to see my surroundings, and notice my alarm clock read 5:30am. Should I sleep or should I wake up?"
Yeah, I don't want to make this section too long so I'll leave it at that. Oh, and another comment, I would suggest expanding your vocabulary a bit. Use synonyms for borings words like "said", "fun", "nice" etc. I noticed you used these kinds of words a lot. It would make your story much more interesting to read.
Writing Style (9/10)
Overall Enjoyment (2/10)
Total Score: 49/100%
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