Nocturne

Title (2/5)

It was okay and it sort of caught my attention, but I’m pretty sure I’ve seen two other stories with
the same title.

Poster/Background/Trailer (0/10)

The poster and background are boring and have nothing to do with the story. Instead of just
using pictures you should have requested a poster and background to be made. You have a dark
title and a vampire plot so I was expecting something mysterious and dark for a poster, so I was
disappointed.

The background annoys me so much, you have no idea. The constant movement is very
distracting and it was really hard to concentrate on the story; I had to copy the story into
Document word just to read it!

Description & Foreword (3/10)

First off, do not EVER start off a story with an author’s note.

Okay, so the description was okay but not good. It was kind of boring and the only part that
made me interested in the story was the last sentence.

“Sanghyun and Sandara were orphaned at a young age, taking refuge in a church where growing
up was full of strict rules and standards. When Sanghyun is finally old enough to go out on his
own to live his life, everything changes when Sandara doesn’t come home one night and the
police show up with bad news.”

Okay, so it’s not the greatest but it sounds a little bit more interesting that what you wrote. You
put in too many details, like about Sanghyun’s job and all that; no one cares.

The foreword is okay.

Plot (3/10)

I didn’t like the plot very much.

Originality (2/10)

Seen it several times before, nothing new.

Flow (4/10)

Slow down! You move way too fast and there’s no details or anything!

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (10/30)

There are a lot of mistakes. You spelled several words incorrectly, comma usage is terrible,
dialogue is wrong, ending marks are incorrect…you’re story needs to be edited.

Writing Style (4/10)

Your writing style is very amateur and all over the place. You don’t know how to write dialogue,
emotion, description, scenery, or any of the works. There are websites that can help you learn
how to write better, I advise you to look them up.

Overall Enjoyment (0/10)

Didn’t like it.

Total Score: 23/100%

reviewed by: peacelovehugs