Dystopia

Title (3/5)

The title does fit the story and it’s short and simple. However, there is nothing interesting about
it.

Poster/Background/Trailer (4/10)

The poster is too plain, there’s nothing special about it. The background is okay.

Description & Foreword (4/10)

You have an interesting description but the story does not live up to it.

Plot (3/10)

What is the plot even about? With seven chapters there is almost nothing there but words that
repeat over and over. You are dragging things out way too long and need to give some actual
story instead of droning on and on about the ‘angst’ that this girl thinking about. The extreme
lack of explanation and events makes this unappealing.

Originality (5/10)

I don’t think I’ve read a story like this on this website, but your overall plan of it is rather
familiar. Have you ever read the series Uglies? Society was split into two places, pretties and
uglies and they were kept in control by a group called Special Circumstances. Your story has a
rather uncanny resemblance to it.

Flow (2/5)

The pace is set slower than what a snail could travel. What you have written is being dragged out
far too long and without any explanations on anything the story looks like it’s going in a straight
line to nowhere.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (15/30)

Not bad but not good. While there weren’t many grammar or spelling errors, you have several
fragment sentences and your use of ellipses is poor. The overall format is weak as well.

Writing Style (5/10)

You writing style is rather…unique. It’s not good but not entirely bad, it just lacks life. You
write things in a repetitive way and that’s not always a good thing.

Here are some things that I noticed while reading.

Setting: All you’ve said that it’s a dystopia, but you need to give more details on that. Is it set in
normal earth settings with a bright sun and blue skies? You almost give it sort of an alien vibe,
because of the darkness of it. I was almost imagining it to be like ruins and dark skies.

Events: It took seven chapters just to get one single event, and it wasn’t even interesting.

Emotional Connection: You’ve written it in a dark tone, it doesn’t fit the angst genre. But if you
were intending this to be sad, I wasn’t getting that. When writing a story, you want your readers
to feel all kinds of emotions while reading, which means you need to put in all sorts of situations
in the story to make them feel that way. But while reading I didn’t feel anything by boredom.

Overall, the writing style isn’t good. It felt as if I were reading a diary instead of a story.

Overall Enjoyment (0/10)

The zero speaks for itself.

41/100%

Don’t forget rule #1

reviewed by: peacelovehugs

A/N: Hi, sorry it took so long. I know I should be the one to review this, but then again, I've been a little busy so I gave some to other reviewers. Goodluck with your story btw.