You and I

Title(3/5)
The title is a bit bland even though you did mention you were inspired by the song, I think a different title would have been better.

Poster & Background & Trailer(7/10)
The poster is really pretty— I just don’t get why there’s a broken alarm clock and a cup of coffee on it. I’d like to see a face on the poster rather than inanimate objects. The background is nice; it fits well with the poster in some kind of way. No trailer so no points are taken or added.

Description & Foreword(5/10)
I like how you had that whole long blue-colored… sonnet in the description but that’s not what a description is supposed to contain. There should have been a short summary of your fanfic rather than the sonnet and the little author’s note at the beginning— which by the way should belong at the bottom and not the top. Why? Well because descriptions are viewed when browsing for a fanfic and if all we see on your description is “This is my first story here ^.^ Hopefully, it won't be too boring :3” then there won’t be much viewing on your story.

Foreword— it’s nice but short. I don’t have much to say about it.

Plot(7/10)
I’m not sure if I fully grasped onto what this fanfic is about but I think the plot sounds somewhat interesting.

Originality(7/10)
I would say this fanfic has some originality to it but I’m pretty sure there are other fics on this site that has the same plot as you do.

Flow(2/5)
The flow lacked a bit for me— I didn’t like how you spent so much time talking about how much she missed her Oppa while he was away. It dragged, I got bored and I was just a bit irritated. I think things should have started to pick up after the first chapter— I think you should have jumped straight to when she was 20 and not have to write about how much she missed her Oppa when she was 15.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary(26/30)
All were well used, so I have no problem.

There’s just one tiny thing I suggest you do— it’s the ‘you’ deal. I’m not sure if you know but there’s this new code on asianfanfics where you can just write in < you > instead of having to write in ‘_______’ for the name of the ‘you’ person. I just found it a bit annoying seeing ‘_____’ everywhere when there’s a code that replaces the ‘______’ and it shows up as the reader’s username. Maybe you should try it out.

Writing Style(7/10)
Love the writing style though I think you just need to re-read your chapters and make sure you aren’t putting in repeated sentences. What do I mean? Well, in your first chapter, you wrote about how Oppa was four years younger than ‘you,’ then you decided to mention it again a couple sentences after. I get it; he’s four years older than her.

Also, I think you should just stick to using ONE color font. I didn't like the whole changing color of the words so much because there was 1-2 chapters that had a really light color and I had to really really read into it. Please just stick to a color or maybe just make it a normal dark color (black).

Overall Enjoyment(5/10)
My overall enjoyment is half and half. I didn’t like how the guy character was just a guy named Oppa. I mean it’s different and all but I would have probably liked it more if this Oppa had a name. Other than that, I liked it.

Total – 69/100

reviewed by: vangbby