Love Poem

Title(1/5)

The title is a really nice title but I just don’t see how it fits your story— like how does it relate to your story? What I think when I see ‘Love Poem,’ is a story that’s told in a poetic form to which describes the love that the two character has for each other. But what we see in your story is a lot of dark, angst-y romance.

Poster & Background & Trailer(6/10)

The poster is nice— definitely reflects off what/how your story is going to be like. I just think the poster could have been better. The background is also nice.

Description & Foreword(3/10)

The description— I love it that you left it alone and decided to not add anything else along that line. But, I don’t quite understand what you’re talking about in your description. I understand that English isn’t your first language, but it doesn’t hurt to ask someone to help you.

The foreword should not contain the character information, rather it should have contained an excerpt or, in your case, a poem. I don’t want to know who the characters are firsthand; I would rather find out about them while reading the story. It really just ruins it. Plus, you only had 3 lines containing 2-3 words— not necessary to do.

Plot(2/10)

The plot— I don’t think I fully grasped onto what this story was about. The only thing I got from it is that Suzy lives with her aunt because her parents died. Suzy has a cousin named Ricky. She works because her aunt isn’t rich, but I’m not sure if she’s poor either. Suzy stumbles upon Taemin one night and she decides to take him to her place; she takes care of him and soon they fall in love. Then I guess he’s sick with a disease and later on, she is too— or not. A lot of other dramatic stuff happen and I’m just not sure what, or where you’re going with this.

Originality(4/10)

Not much of an original because the whole ‘my-lover-has-a-disease-and-is-going-to-die-from-it,’ has been used many many times before. Then again, I like how you added some of your flavor to it.

Flow(2/5)

I thought the flow was going rather too quickly— Suzy and Taemin fell in love way too quickly. I mean, they barely spent much time together and they’re already in love? I don’t think that would be possible since— actually it would, if you call it love at first sight  but I don’t see how someone can fall for someone when all they did was save the said someone, then someone passed out on them.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary(15/30)

You’ve already stated that English isn’t your first language but I don’t really think that should affect someone’s writing. While reading your story, I could definitely see the problems with your grammar. You have a lot of verb confusion along with your past and present tense. I would suggest it that you go and ask someone with good English to help edit these chapters for you. The only good thing I’m going to say is that, even though English wasn’t your first language, I pretty much ignored the grammar problems and read it like it was in good grammar.

Your use for vocabulary definitely surprises me because normally, when I get told English isn’t their first language, I would expect a lot of short un-defining words. But you definitely surprise me. Also, please do not use Korean words so much; especially words where I have on idea what they mean. Oppa, and Unni are fine but you don't need to add words like 'Conggak.' I have no idea what that means.

The spelling was great, also the punctuation. The only thing that needs to improve is the grammar.

Writing Style(5/10)

The writing style— wow, you surprise me in this also. It’s just the grammar that gets me but, all in all, the writing style is definitely wonderful. I love it that you had paragraphs rather than just 2-3 sentences I think if you really improve on your grammar, your writing style would rocket.

Overall Enjoyment(2/10)

My overall enjoyment— I didn’t enjoy the story as much. Again, I don’t understand where you’re going with this so I wasn’t sure what I was reading. The ending— I had to re-read it a couple of times to understand that Taemin died because I thought it was Ricky who died. Anyways, don’t get discouraged if I was being harsh— I just know it that you’ll improve more in the future because your writing really surprised me, since you said English wasn’t your first language. Good luck, dear!

Total – 40/100

reviewer: vangbby