L. Joe: The most stupid cupid I've ever met

Title (5/5)
Nice title!! It fits your story really well. (Although, you should add the “most stupid cupid” instead of just “stupid cupid,” but that’s my grammar issues. -That's when the title was still Ljoe: The stupid cupid I ever met )

Description/Foreword (8/10)
Nice description. It does its job well: describing. Although, I would have liked it if you put the foreword where the description is. One thing I didn’t like was the character profile in your foreword. I know that a lot of people do this, but this detracts from your story a bit. Other than that, it was a really good foreword!


Plot (3/10)
First of all, I would like to say ask, what were the first few chapters about? The first chapters should be where the story begins, and yet you have character profiles! I know that you have a lot of characters in the fic, but shouldn’t you do this in the foreword? Also, the GIF spam was… remember that it is a story not a place to fangirl.

Since you are on hiatus, I have no idea what the plot is like. First I understood what the plot will be about, but then the chapters threw me off. Other than the fact that L.Joe is in high school for his next mission, and that the girl he likes is there, there is no development. This is surprising because you already have 13 chapters. Most of the chapters are filled with nonstory related things to engage your readers. This is good, but only if you have a story down, you know?

Originality (7/10)
I think this is the highest originality point I have ever given. I like the idea, mainly because I never read it before. Now if you just develop it more, I think it would be a pretty awesome fic.

Flow (2/5)
I can’t tell if your writing flows or not because by the time I get into it, you start going off into a tangent.
Also, you switch off between L.Joe’s POV and third person. Please indicate otherwise. It makes it more comprehensible.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (15/30)
I climbed the tree near to a couple that sitting on a bench
It should be, “I climbed the tree near a couple who were sitting on a bench”

It was the perfect spot up there to watch that couple.
“up there” doesn’t need to be added. You already established that you were in a tree.
It seemed everything was okay.
“It seemed as if everything was okay. “

There isn’t much real writing to check your grammar. Your vocabulary needs a lot of work, as well as your grammar. You leave out basic words in sentences such as the examples mentioned about.

Writing Style (3/10)
Your writing style is very messy. It’s kind of hard to understand but since it is very informal, it grabs a reader’s attention.

Overall Enjoyment (6/10)
Not bad! I enjoyed it because of your funny attitude. But remember that it is a fic, not a place to blog. And please, don’t use the pink. It hurts my eyes if I stare at it too long.

Total Score: 49/100%

reviewed by: susanyuenkim