My Happiness, My Everything

Title (3/5) 

It's boring. Sorry. It's not bad, but it's not good either. If I see it while scrolling down a list filled with thousands of other fanfictions, yours wont stand out.

Poster/Trailer/Background (5/10)

Sorry, the poster doesn't seem to match the story much. I do like the animation of the poster. I would have wished for a more darker poster. The poster seems childish; as if a kid is trying to write an angst story.

Description/Foreword (7/10)

I really liked the description because it did what it was supposed to do. However, I want more in the foreword than just a few pictures and an author's note, you know? I wasn't hooked at all.

Plot (6/10)

The plot was boring, to be honest. Maybe it's because you didn't update many chapters yet, but so far it seems very boring to me. The idea of getting and highschool is very cliche and thousands of authors use it. You need to make it special if you want it to be good. And the fact that her parents are fighting at Chapter 3 just makes it worse. Been there, done that. It also doesn't help that the main character is very rebellious. It's a mary sue. Look that up with you don't know what that is.

Originality 2/10

As the above comment. I already seen it.

Flow 5/5

It seems ok,since the story is just starting. I would suggest speeding it up a bit as you get to the middle, especially if your plot is going to be the same boring style as it is in the beginning.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (20/30)
"the cold weather filled the air bringing chills down my spine, the stinging breeze whispered past my ears."

You have two sentences stuck together in this. Add a period instead of a comma between spine and the.

"It was the start of a new school year, something that i never looked forward too, while others were aroused by it, maybe i was once like them but those memories seemed to have faded."

Same problem with this one. Period between too and while.

Capitalize all "I"

Watch out for tense. You switch from past to present all the
time.

"My parents, they were home."

This is not grammatically correct. I understand that you are trying to create an effect but it is better to combine it into one full sentence.

Create another paragraph when another character speaks.

Not bad. There were a few mistakes and any mistakes did not detract from the story. I would suggest you to review or edit before you post. Even a simple sweet before hand goes a long way. :)

Writing Style (10/10)

I really like your writing style. It is straight forward and I especially love the quirky way your make your character talk. It has a unique vibe to it.

Overall Enjoyment (3/10)

Would it be mean to say that I this was a really boring fic. As in, I am wasting my time boring. Sorry.

Total Score: 61/100%

reviewed by: susanyuenkim