I lost the moon while counting the stars

Title (3/5)

When reading the title of your chapters, 1st: counting the stars and 2nd: losing the moon. I understood it but I wasn't sure until I read the comments in your story. I actually liked the hidden meaning so I give you marks for that but you should have capitalized them like: I Lost the Moon While Counting the Stars.

Poster/Background/Trailer (-)

You don't have a poster, background or trailer so I won’t include this part of the rubric in your score. Don't worry; it won’t affect your overall score.

I see there's only Junsu's pic in there and nothing else. It could have been better with at least own made poster so it could catch a little attention to readers. Junsu's pic worked a bit, I love him, you know? But anyway, I decided that when there's no poster I won’t include this in the rubric part. But of course, if people do have, then I would. But since you don't...Well, this is it.

Description and Forward (5/10)

Seriously, I like your simple and angsts sound description. It was short which made me pondering for the next chapter. A bit. But it wasn't really that interesting. The girl just confessed and BAM! It wasn't a very creative description, and I think it could have been better.

You could have added more, like in your foreword. Maybe a short characters description? Just saying.

Plot (4/10)
I can't believe it. Lately, I've been reading tragic one-shot with different cast. What a coincidence and this one is another tragic. I actually like your plot because as you can see, I love tragic stories. Am I that bad because I love them? I enjoyed reading the part when Jebin confesses. Got rejected and this stupid Junsu (in your story) realizes he loves Jebin after he saw his girlfriend cheating on him. I like it but at the same time, I am disappointed. How could he realize just like that? I mean, you could have shown how Jebin and Junsu became closer and closer.

Originality (3/10)
It's not original, not the best but I like how it was going. Maybe there were unrealistic parts, like Junsu realizing he loves Jebin. It was just a matter of minute...I understand because it's a one-shot but just because it's a one-shot doesn't mean he can fall in love with someone just like that except if you showed their memories while Junsu is dating other girl.

I also do not like it that Jebin likes Junsu so much knowing that he has a girlfriend and just confess like that. To be exact, I hate her character. If I were her, I wouldn't confess to someone who is dating someone. Maybe, I'll just wait for him to break up with his current girl.

I hated Junsu here because just after he saw Minyoung betrayed him with his best friend, he suddenly said when he saw Jebin 'That means...I was never in love with Minyoung'? I mean, WTH, never? They were in love, why would they be dating? And he's saying he loves Jebin just like that? I could have understood if there were at least flashbacks between the two main characters. That's just me. It's still fine though.

Flow (4/5)

Since it's a one-shot, I like the pace of your story. It was rather fast, just like what the commenter said. It was fast paced type of story. Things happened so fast and it ended so fast with a BAM! And then the next thing, they were in the hospital and then Jebin's in her hospital room, they confessed and she died. That was fast but I think that's the way a one-shot is. Short and fast. But yours is a two shot, although you said it's a one-shot.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (10/30)

You are a little bit descriptive, your words are good, your vocabulary is good, your grammar isn't that good and your writing style is really bad. I'll explain that later.

I gave you 10 marks here because I think you have good English, but see for yourself, the way it's written in one paragraph, it would make readers go cross-eyed and confused.

I actually think that your simple yet a little bit descriptive essay is really nice. As for your punctuation, sometimes you just missed them.

Other than that, I found a mistake here and there.

'She stepped to me' it should have been 'She stepped forward towards me.'

Also, don't use '&' for 'and. obviously, it should be 'and', don’t do shortcuts. This part of the rubric is important when writing, not just the plot of your story and the characters. Common mistakes you had are the 'past to present' words you used, or grammars.

Writing Style (3/10)
Seriously, it's not my type of Writing Style so I gave you low marks here. One paragraph, different point of view, it’s confusing. I'm a little bit of a cross-eyed person and reading this type of writing style might make me look worse. I don’t like the way you say 'and' as '&'. The changing of POV would be fine for me as long as you didn't make the paragraph into something like that.

I do actually like your English; you're good at it. But it could have been better and you know that. A better paragraph style combining with your good descriptions/English would be a good pair. 

Overall Enjoyment (6/10)
I did enjoy how it was moving fast as a two-shot (one-shot). The ending was sad and tragic; it made my heart skip a bit. It wasn't really that sad since I couldn’t feel the chemistry between JunSu and JeBin. However, you did a good job in making this.

Total Score : 38/90%

reviewed by: sususco123

a/n: Don't forget to credit the reviewer and the shop. Also, put it up on your foreword just as the rule says.