It's You?!

Title (2/5)

The title isn’t really impressive; I think you could have gone another way with the title.

Poster & Background & Trailer (7/10)

The poster and background are both nice but I feel like your poster was made within seconds; like they just slapped on some pictures, blended it in along with a nice little thing at the corner, added a title and the credits then bam!— it’s made.

No trailer so no points are taken off.

Description & Foreword (5/10)

The description was nice but I feel like you could have combined the two paragraphs and made it into one because they were pretty much the same thing. The character info— I think it wasn’t necessary to write it in because you only had a few things about each character to which a reader could have found out while reading the fanfic. Lastly, the little author’s note and credit you have at the end of the description should have been at the bottom of the foreword. Why? Well, I think it seems more organized and it doesn’t get in the way of what the reader wants to read.

Now onto the foreword; it was okay. I don’t have much to say about it.

Plot (5/10)

The plot of this fanfic… Well, from what I’m getting from the fanfic is 4 people who go to the same college and they fall in love. Then there’s a bunch of the other dramatic stuff… and well yeah. I’m not too sure I grasped onto what this fanfic is mainly about.

Originality (10/10)

I think this fanfic sounds very original.

Flow (5/5)

The flow didn’t lack speed nor was it too slow.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (25/30)

Your grammar was fairly nice, the vocabulary used were nice along with the spelling; I’m just not so sure about the punctuation. In almost every chapter you had “…” or as we call it in literature, ellipses. There were way too many of those and it made each chapter look messy. One period is enough.

Writing Style (7/10)

I’m a bit iffy on this part; the first chapter’s writing style felt childish to me but the second chapter felt like it matured some. Then it repeated. I’m guessing it’s because you have a co-author but that’s not an excuse, really. If you’re going to have a co-author, I suggest you find a co-author who has the same writing style as yours so it’ll balance out instead of making the fanfic sound floppy.

Also when you’re writing in flashbacks, in which I see a lot of it happening, instead of writing ~Flashback~ let the readers know the character is having a flashback by actually writing it. I see that you did do that to a chapter but you still wrote in ~Flashback~ which was really unnecessary. When ending the flashback, don’t write ~End~ but write something like:

Jessica jumped from the memory and felt reality slap at her brain.

Something like that.

Overall Enjoyment (5/10)

I’m 50/50; the fanfic had nice a nice plot but there were some parts that I felt bored and had to scan through just so I can get to the next chapter. I do know that I probably wouldn’t continue reading the fanfic because I don’t find it intriguing. Good luck though!

Total - 71/100

reviewer: vangbby