White Walls

a. Title (5/5)
A very simple, yet fitting title for your fic. 


b. Poster & Background & Trailer (10/10)
Lovely poster. I especially love the snapshots in the background. 

c. Description & Foreword (8/10)
The description and foreword overall was good. The only thing that bothered me was the extended character list. I don’t think it’s necessary to include one because the story will introduce them. If you introduce the characters right in the beginning, it diminishes the excitement of the story since the reader would already know which characters to expect to come out in the fic. 

d. Plot (10/10)
So far, I see no problems with the plot. Nice developments and character introductions. I think you have a good idea where you want to take this fic. 


e. Originality (10/10)
This sounds like something you came up with on your own. Kudos!



f. Flow (4/5)
The fic itself is very engaging. The raw emotion expressed through your writing hooks the reader and makes him/her sympathize with all the characters present in the story. You have a great command over pathos. Good work!



g. Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (25/30)
Minor errors here and there. Nothing you can’t fix. 

h. Writing Style (7/10)
I liked your writing. You don’t deluge your fic with unnecessary descriptions. You show just enough to let the reader gain his/her own interpretation of the imagery presented. However, I advise you to refrain from using so many adverbs. For instance, “unintentionally staring directly at me”. Two adverbs in one phrase is a big no-no (unless you’re trying to achieve a parallel effect). “Unintentionally” doesn’t need to be there, since the reader already knows that Jessica ‘realizes’ that she was staring ahead without knowing. Overusing adverbs will only kill the effect you want to create with your writing. Stick to showing, not telling. Another problem that appeared consistently in your writing was vocab overuse. Whatever you do, try your very best to not use the same word twice in a sentence or a paragraph. The last thing you want is the reader to be bored ‘cause of your redundant vocabulary. 



i. Overall Enjoyment (10/10)
This fic is very good. I love how it explores Jessica’s conflicted feelings and I also love how many people can relate to Jessica’s situation: everyone’s been faced with having to deal with someone they despise. The emotional scenes aren’t cheesy and they really tug at the heart strings. I’m not a big fan of Sica, but I was immediately on her side by the time I read the first chapter. That’s what all writes should aim for, to get the audience on their side. I’m very excited to read upcoming chapters. Best of luck!


Total- 89/100

reviewer: indiokimin