Little Miss Difficult

Title (3/5)
I like it but I think you could have picked a different title because it doesn’t exactly reflect off of your story. I’ll explain more in the plot.

Poster & Background & Trailer (3/10)
The poster is nicely edited, but I think it could have been better because when I look at it, I don’t get a sense of your story within the poster. The pictures do match but it doesn’t tell a story.

Background is fine.

The trailer was horrible; I’ve seen better trailers made and this one was just pictures and small clips. I felt no anticipation watching the trailer and I didn’t understand it. The storyline was not there; the clips used looked random and the songs used—well the slow song in the middle was nice because it matched the mood that the clips were giving, but the other song heard in the beginning and end was too random.

Description & Foreword (6/10)
I like your description but I don’t love it. I don’t understand why you decided to highlight some words, or change its color—it throws me off, to be honest. Also, it sounds more like something you put on your foreword because you’re introducing a character rather than giving information about your story to your readers. A description should contain a short summary of your story—not necessarily giving away the plot of your story but teasing your readers with the plot.

Foreword—I really despise seeing a long author’s note on the foreword. Especially, when you decide to color the words and add (unimportant) information—which shouldn’t take up the whole space in your foreword. A foreword is called a foreword for a reason and I believe you should either insert a prologue, excerpt, or a quote relevant to your story. In your case, insert in the introduction you have in your description.

Plot (4/10)
I don’t love the plot but it’s interesting—I’m just really confused with what direction you’re heading in. Hansol is an adoptive sister of Leeteuk and she’s to live with him because she’s going to debut as an actress; you bring in other characters and all these dramatic things happen. The whole situation about Hansol being adopted is still unclear to me. What I’m getting from it is that Hansol’s dad was involved in the mafia and he has a debt to pay but he ran, leaving Hansol with her mom. The mafia comes and kidnaps(?) them then later decides to kill her mom. She somehow escapes and Leeteuk’s parents decided to go and adopt a kid. Normally, if you think about, not a lot of Korean families will go and adopt kids—well, at least from what I’ve seen and heard. So this doesn’t come off as realistic to me.

Also, if they live in a dorm, how many rooms are in this dorm? I mean, there are rooms for the members of Super Junior, there's a room for Hansol, there's a room for Alex (it seems), Uki and now Void. This sounds more like a mansion-type dorm than an apartment dorm.

What I really despise about your plot is how you're bringing in side stories that have nothing to do with the main story at all—a great example would be Uki and Donghae’s relationship. What about their relationship is important to your story? How does their relationship affect your story and why is it being written in? Your title is called ‘Little Miss Difficult’ yet I feel like Uki is taking on that role more than Hansol is. Stick to your plot—don’t go and bring in another story that has no relation. Especially when I don’t plan on reading the other stories that has Alex, Uki and Void as main.

Originality (4/10)
Not exactly an original story since you got the idea from other writers, and you have characters that are originated from another story. I will say that your character is an original—being an adoptive sister with a past that’s mysterious. The twists in this story are a bit predictable—some are surprising though.

Flow (5/5)
The flow is fine.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (29/30)
You have a couple of typos here and there, but they aren’t noticeable.

Writing Style (3/10)
I love your use for words but I don’t love your writing style. Your dialogue is just too childish—overuse of ‘Oppa,’ capitalizing words, and adding extra letters like thisssssss. I just wanted to wash my eyes from this silliness.

Your point of views—for some weird reason, I didn’t mind the changing of the POVs but I did mind how you wrote your POVs. If you're going to write in Hangeng's POV, write in Hangeng’s POV! Don't write out what's happening to another character like it’s their POV because it’s not even possible to do!  An example would be in chapter 16 (when you wrote in Hangeng’s POV):

What you wrote: While we were walking to the restaurant, someone tapped Hansol on her shoulder.

• Stop and think to yourself—how exactly did Hangeng know that someone tapped onto Hansol’s shoulder? Did he turn and notice the said someone, or is he some psychic who can feel a presence nearby?

What you could have written: While walking to the restaurant, we were suddenly approached by a group of girls. They asked Hansol to take pictures.

 OR, if you decide to switch to 3^rd POV: While walking to the restaurant, someone tapped on Hansol's shoulder.

Either one of those would be more appropriate and understanding. I mean, you can talk about Hansol while writing in a Hangeng's POV but the way you're writing it sounds more like it should be in 3rd POV. You do this in all of the chapters when you’re switching POVs. It’s really confusing; I highly suggest you switch to 3^rd point of view because it is ten times easier to write in.

Overall Enjoyment (3/10)
My overall enjoyment of this story was okay—I didn’t have much anticipation nor was I excited to read this. The recent update has me confused because why is Hansol suddenly in China and acting? What about her going to find the mafia people and doing something about it? To which brings me to a point in the story when you had Hansol and Henry travel to meet the “mafia.” Okay, they get to their destination but… nothing happens? No fighting, yelling, or shooting? What was the reason for her to even go there if nothing really happened? You have so many questions that need to be answer yet you’re just adding in new events.

Still on topic about the mafia; why would you make Hansol call the mafia people on her own phone? That’s quite risky and dangerous to do because I’m sure they can track her down within a second! Especially when you had her tell the person what name she goes by now—you’re pretty much writing her way to getting in trouble with the mafia. You should think thoroughly on these things before writing ‘em.

Also, you have such long author’s note at the end of each chapter (though I’ve seen longer). A short and simple ‘Thanks for reading,’ is good enough—you don’t need to explain what happened at school and whatnot. If it isn’t important, don’t write it in because there’s a place where you can talk about what happened at school—and it’s called ‘Blog.’

To end this review, I’m going to talk about the relationships you have built—like Hansol and Henry. Well, at least I think they have some sort of relationship since she brought him along to meet the mafia people, and she even told him about her past. But I’m starting to have some doubt that they really have anything going on.
The characters in this story seem generic—a couple of the Super Junior member’s personalities are what I’ve seen in other Super Junior stories I’ve reviewed. All in all, I have to admit, your characters seem childish. I couldn’t take them serious and I can point out the reason why: your dialogue—way too childish for someone whose writing is really good. With one last advice, or suggestion, if you plan on ending this story soon, you need to get these question answered! If not, have fun adding in more fuel and not trying to put out the first ones.

Anyways, good luck with your story!

Total – 60/100

Reviewer: vangbby
I know I was quite harsh but I mean well. Please remember to post this as a chapter OR
link it back to this chapter on your foreword. Thank you!