Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A Pirate's Life for Me

Title (4/5)
The title is pretty inviting; I would click on a fic like this is I was just randomly browsing for one to read. It also reflects and gives us an insight of your story.

Poster & Background & Trailer (4/10)
The poster… is nice, but I think it could have gone another way; even though you mentioned in the request about waiting for a poster, I’m still going to grade you on what you have. In my opinion—being a graphic artist myself—I would suggest that rather than cutting out the characters that you just blend them in. The cutout of the characters looks strange, to be honest.

The background, however, looks pretty nice! Along with the chapter posters you have.

No trailer, so no points are taken off.

Description & Foreword (7/10)
I like—both—your description and foreword; very informative and relatable to your story. I am going to take a couple points off because I found a grammar error in your description—and these are usually crucial—but, in your case, it’s just a minor thing.

What you wrote: All he wanted was to sail the seas' plundering treasure and going on great adventures. All he got was a boring job working at the local bar in his hometown.
What you could have written: All he wanted was to go on great adventures like sailing the seas to find its' plundering treasure; but all he got was a boring job: working at a bar in his hometown.

• To be honest, I had to read this a couple of times to truly understand—or at least try to understand—what you were incorporating. Anyways, going on adventures and sailing the seas are pretty much the same thing, is it not? So rather than saying ‘and’ to connect the coordinate words, just link them together—because sailing the seas pretty much compliments going on adventures. Also, I don’t really understand why you decided to write ‘going’ when it doesn’t make any sense in the sentence. If it’s supposed to be parallel to ‘plundering’ then it’s wrong. Unless, you write it like this: What he truly desired was to go sailing on the seas, plundering treasure and going on adventures. Hm, well, even that doesn’t make any sense.  Moving on; the last thing I will mention is that since you’re comparing his dream from reality, it’s best to put a ‘but’ there to show it.

The foreword is pretty nice; I have no other complaint about it.

Plot (8/10)
The plot is really interesting—I’ve never read a pirate-related story on this site (ever!); so it was nice seeing something like this. I also love pirate-related… things, so this caught my attention right away. Anyways, the reason why I didn’t give this story full point was that there are some unanswered questions. For instance, Kiseop and Dongho’s parents dying from the hurricane—why I ask this is because… well, where was Kiseop and Dongho at the time? How could they have survived the hurricane when their parents didn’t? Unless I read something wrong; were they hidden somewhere safe when the hurricane hit and that’s why they survived? I don’t know, but you might want to think about it. Unless you have it planned to explain about it in the later chapters.

Other than that, the plot to this story is very intriguing—I love Kevin’s past. It definitely dragged me in when I was getting bored.

Originality (8/10)
This is definitely an original—but the reason I didn’t give full points is because the whole them-landing-on-an-island-but-are-soon-captured-by-tribal-people reminds me of Pirates of the Caribbean part 2. I’ve seen the movie and when I read that, I just kind of nodded and expected what to happen. Then again, I didn’t expect Kevin to blow off three of the tribal leaders’ head. Gore-y—I like it!

Flow (4/5)
The flow is good—I just think the beginning lagged. I got a bit bored until Kiseop finally gets on the ship and suddenly has to fight against Kibum.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (20/30)
Everything was great—well, sort of. You have a couple of punctuation errors, typos—which are very minor—and… well, how about I just post some examples up to show.

What you wrote: He sat there for a long period of time thinking about everything and nothing at the same time.
What you could have written: He sat there for a long period of time, thinking about everything and nothing at the same time.

• Commas are everything; you needed a comma there to pause things because reading that in one whole breath is difficult. Commas are used to let a person pause—take a breath—from reading a sentence or else it’ll turn into a run-on. You do this quite a lot in your chapters—but this one is the only one I will be listing. I would just suggest you to go and edit your chapters that have this problem. (Chapter 1)

What you wrote: Normally the Navy and pirates heads and clash, constantly starting fights and battles upon the seas, however, Tinndar is one of the only few cities that is considered a safe haven and neutral territory for pirates.
What you could have written: Normally, the Navy and pirates would heads, start fights, and battle upon the seas; however, Tinndar is one of the only few cities that is considered a safe haven and neutral territory for pirates.

• Normally is an introduction word—which introduces the main subject and verb later on in the sentence, so it is only appropriate to add a comma after it. Next; heads and clash basically mean the same thing so I think it’s best if you just wrote one of the phrase/words. Then, to me, the rest sounds like a list of things the Navy and pirate do; and the phrase after however is a complete sentence so it’s best to add the semi-colon there. (Chapter 1)

What you wrote: He went behind the counter and began helping Dongho, mixing the customers drinks.
What you should have written: He walked behind the counter and began helping Dongho mix the customers' drinks.

• Alright, so you used a comma in this sentence but it’s poorly used; and you also used it in the way I showed in the first example. The problem with this is that you don’t need the mixing because you already have the action word, and it is helping. Since you have that, you don’t need the comma. (Chapter 1)

What you wrote: “Mama told me to tell you ‘to get your home before it gets even more darker’!”
What you should have written: "Mama told me to tell you 'to get your home before it gets darker!'"

• Ever since I was in elementary, I was told that you should never leave your ending punctuation outside like that. Everything goes inside before you close it! Also, do not write in more before an adjective—it’s best to just add in –er or –est. (Chapter 1)

What you wrote: “The navy is overrated. I want to sail the seas plundering treasure and going on great adventures.” Soohyun nodded enthusiastically, enjoying the response.
What you could have written: "The navy is overrated. I want to sail the seas, plunder treasure and go on great adventures." Soohyun nodded with enthusiasm; enjoying the response.

• Again, commas are the problem here; also, what I wrote is only what I think you’re trying to go for but… I’m not sure. I just kind of wrote what sounded… more likely. (Chapter 2)

What you wrote: Was it so hard to just sail the seas and destroy and plunder towns and villages?
What you should have written: Was it so hard to just sail the seas and plunder towns and villages?

• I’m confused with what this sentence is trying to tell me—too many ands and too little pauses. To me, it reads: Was it so hard to just sail the seas, destroy, and plunder towns and villages. But I don’t think that’s what you mean to say… I think. Anyways; plunder and destroy… kind of mean the same thing because while you’re robbing (plundering) a town/village, you’re also destroying it—right? (Chapter 6)

What you wrote: What was even more horrifying to Kiseop than witnessing the bridge collapse under him was being fully conscious as he fell down the waterfall, as he fell to his death.
What you should have written: What was even more horrifying to Kiseop, than witnessing the bridge collapse under him, was being fully conscious as he fell down the waterfall to his death.

• You wrote a mouthful of words that are jumbled way too close together. I had to re-read this sentence twice slowly, before I could fully understand it. Again, I think it just really lacks commas—just my opinion though. Also, the last couple of words could be easily toned down—you wrote more than needed. (Chapter 6)

And so, that is all I have to say for this section. You don’t have a lot of major problems, just minor ones.

Writing Style (6/10)
I like your style of writing, but, to be honest, it’s really choppy the way you transition from word to word and/or sentence to sentence. It just seems random how you place your sentences. An example I have is this:

What you wrote: “Someday,” a little boy whispered. “Someday, I’m gonna sail the seven seas with my own pirate crew and ship.” He closed his eyes after witnessing a shooting star grace the sky. He wished and wished for this dream to come true.
What you could have written: “Someday,” a little whispered, “Someday I’m gonna sail the seven seas with my own pirate crew and ship.” A shooting star suddenly graces across the sky; the little boy quickly closed his eyes and wished and wished for his dream to come true.

• There’s just something about your sentence that seems off (to me). I feel like the sentence about Kiseop witnessing the shooting star should come before he closes his eyes and make a wish. That way it flow more and the transition is cleaner. Then again, this is just my opinion on it. (Foreword)

Overall Enjoyment (8/10)
My overall enjoyment—I would say the story did grab my attention, especially with Kevin’s past. Just… I can’t even. When I read that part about Kevin, I was just stunned and my mouth literally just opened. I am quite curious about what happened to Kyungjae (Eli). Is he immortal? To which, has me thinking about this: does the map lead Kevin to Eli? I’m just on the edge of my seat! Anyways, I’m having a debate with myself about who I ship in this story because I ship KeMaru (Kevin and Kibum) so hard—but I love this new and awkward relationship with VinSeop. Then again, I feel like I should ship Alexander with Kevin—for I don’t know what reason. I am also curious about Jaeseop; I really feel like he’s alive and not dead.

I really like Kiseop’s character—he’s very brave for someone who seems like he should just work at the Inn with Dongho. I also like Kevin’s character; I just can’t imagine him as pirate captain. He’s so scrawny and pretty! Anyways, good luck with the rest of your story! Don't be too bummed at the score; I can see that my score is lower than the other reviews you've gotten. But, hey, I might come and read the rest of your story—if you plan to update soon—and maybe even subscribe.

Total – 69/100

Reviewer: vangbby