The Promises You Kept Til Your Very Last Breath

Title(2/5)
Oh my, that was a very long title for a one-shot. I mean, usually, long titles doesn't get much attention and long titles are better for sequels so I guess, you could have made it better by making it short. Aside from that, the word 'til' should be 'till'.

Poster & Background & Trailer(8/10)
I think the poster is tidy and likable, but maybe there could have been more textures. The font choice is what I like best. Just that, the words Last Breath stand out too much, like it's the title but your title is longer than that.

Description & Foreword(8/10)

What a short description but it was just what readers needs to get hooked and wait for the chapter to be written. I never thought that the description had something really sad and tragic behind it, like Sungyeol dying just to keep his promise. Actually, for me, your description was enough even though there was no characters description. Well, it’s just a one-shot anyway so foreword is not a big deal. I love the way its short.

Plot(8/10)
I love your plot although keeping promises which means death is a bit of common here on AFF. Whatever. I still love it, it didn't make me cry but hey, I was about to cry but just wasn't able to completely let out all the tears. I was stunned while reading your one-shot. The very first part, it was in Sungyeol's grave and then the flashbacks... The memories with you and him... It was amazingly written and I just thought Sungyeol was too nice to sacrifice for her. From the start, the girl was just a stranger to him and he wanted to protect her from that very moment till forever... It was so touching. I love sad ff's so yeah, I enjoyed the promise till death thing is commonly used.

Originality(6/10)
I'm pretty sure about the promise to protect thing until last breath is commonly used everywhere so I gave you a 6 here.

Flow(5/5)
Since it was a one-shot, I don’t think it's slow or fast. It was just like a clip, from present to past then present etc. I like how it goes.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary(26/30)

Not much but correct use of punctuation. I found something when I was reading it yesterday. Also, you shouldn't really put too much period. It should be three periods at least, like "I'll protect you..." not "I'll protect you...." It's not something big, but it should be at least three periods not four or two especially after a dialogue. I also suggest you give a name for the fictional character, whether its you or anyone, there should be a name. This is the first time I finally talked about this, but really, it annoys me to read "~~~~?" which means ~~~~ is the name of the character. I understand how that's used by most authors and why, but I don't really like it as a reader and a reviewer.

Another thing, when you are in the last item or sentence like "You'd lost track; time seemed to blur as you went listlessly though the days, mechanically eating, washing, sleeping like a robot programmed to do so." add an "and" after the comma of second to the last sentence (if you know what I mean).

In every paragraph, you should use capital letter.

After a period, you should use a capital letter.

curiousity is a wrong spelling. It should be curiosity.

That's all. Over-all, I think you are a really great writer. You are so descriptive and I love it.

Writing Style(8/10)

I love it. You are so descriptive and because of that, when I read your story I almost cried. Too bad my tears didn't really stream down for real. But this was so tragic and dramatic. Just like other sad/angst stories, this one also felt real for me. Maybe I hate how Sungyeol is too nice to sacrifice himself (just me!) but never mind. Like I said earlier, give a name for the OC and it would look better.

Overall Enjoyment(9/10)
This is one of favorite tragic story although it's commonly used in my mind or anywhere out there. This was just so heartbreaking and touching, I like how Sungyeol wants to protect the girl and they became close. I like his choding-personality, it made everything in this story better. I love how he ended up as a 'hero' in the story.

Total – 80/100

reviewed by: sususco123