'We're Unbreakable'

Title (1/5)

First off, don’t you know how to properly write a title? Obviously not.

‘We’re Unbreakable’ – Why are there ‘’ around it? That’s completely unnecessary. The title
doesn’t even go with the story because obviously they are unbreakable if she left him! Think
ahead a bit, okay?

Poster/Background/Trailer (0/10)

Although it’s a one-shot you could have at least gotten a poster made instead of using a random
picture of the guy.

Description & Foreword (1/10)

Description, don’t use the word you when writing in third person point of view. Now, your
description and was completely boring. Not to mention that you wrote it so badly that I just
wanted to turn around and go find something better to read.

Don’t write an author’s note unless it’s actually relevant to the story because no one actually
reads it.

Plot (1/10)

Personally I didn’t see any plot in this, just a girl meeting her boyfriend’s parents. Boring.

Originality (6/10)

I’ve seen a few stories like this, only they were much more interesting to read than this.

Flow (0/5)

You moved so fast without giving any time to explain. This was not a good idea for a one-shot, it
should have been a chaptered story.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (5/30)

There were so many spelling mistakes, wrong punctuation, terrible dialogue, I’m not even going
to give you some edits. There’s a spellcheck button on the edit page for a reason.

Writing Style (6/10)

Not great, could do better.

Overall Enjoyment (0/10)

Did not like it. At all.

First off, three year age difference is totally not a big deal. People gave her dirty looks because of
the difference? How would they even know?

Secondly, JaeMi. Jamie? Jaime? Just put it as the regular American name instead of making up
stuff that sounds Korean. A proper Korean name has words because they combine together to
make a meaning.

Total Score: 20/100%

reviewed by: peacelovehugs