The True Warrior

Title (3/5)

Sounds interesting and the way it has a cryptic feeling makes me wants to read it right away. Amazing title, even if it’s not original or if it has been a movie’s title before, I wouldn’t mind. The title fits the story, like you said; you used the same title as the battle, or whatever. It does sound cliché but I don’t know why, I like it, I want to read it and know what would happen in the story.   

Poster/Trailer/Background (10/10)

Grrr ~ Why are the poster so captivating in my eyes? You don’t have any idea how much I go crazy over angst and dark looking posters like yours. Moreover, you have a lot of posters, or let’s say different posters by chapters. Perfectly fits for your story. Trailer is great!

Description/Foreword (7/10)

It was going really good and suspenseful, but then I noticed you wrote this in rule number 3. I’m quite sure you meant ‘loser’ the one who loses, not ‘looser’ not as tight as etc. Correct me if I’m wrong though, there are times when I feel like I’m wrong when I also feel like I’m right.

The next thing is in the foreword. ‘Didn’t’ is for the past, but when you say ‘It didn’t matter if I ended up killing him. I had to win.’ Then suddenly you say ‘I’ll kill him. For the honor of my family. I will kill him.’ It’s like a different tense. Confusing, for short. Keep it on the same tense. Mika hasn’t killed him yet, she is still planning on killing him or that action is still happening, it doesn’t matter if she will, and that’s what she should be saying. She has to win that’s why she has to kill him, so it’s not had. It's not really super wrong, but there is a better composition. Maybe like this: It doesn't matter if I ended up killing him. (Why? Because if you use 'didn't' and then there's a verb 'ended', that's a mistake. We cannot use two pastt tense verbs in a sentence.) I have to kill him. I will kill him for the honor of my family. I will kill him. I don't love him.

Other than that, it’s interesting. I love the plot of your story. I know this has not something to do with The Hunger Games but Tekken, but I’ve got to say this, the plot of your story caught my attention because it has a little bit similarity to The Hunger Games. Just a little bit, not the start, just the game of winning and losing and death during battle but your story is more of Tekken.

Plot (9/10)

I love it ~ Exciting from the beginning, then there was a time when the excitement turned into boredom then to intense fighting scenes to one dramatic scene. I love it the way it is. Anyway, I saw some of the comments, about you deleting your story? I think you already thought not to delete it, right? Yeah, you shouldn’t. If it’s because of the plot, don’t delete it. The plotline of your story is already enough to get readers love it and get hooked. It’s y and violence. Although you have to work harder on violent scenes, to make it more bloody and harsh. Yeah, I want it harsh. Haha.

Originality (7/10)

Not that original. It has some creativeness here and there. You had one of the most promising intro/chapter 1, where suddenly, a mysterious man appears interrupting a private something with lovers just to give the scroll and then BAM! The lovers found out they’re going to have to kill each other. That was mind blowing, I love that part mostly. Problem is, it’s like Yong Guk disappeared or was gone with the wind, with now Mika hanging around with B2ST boys. I wanted her and Yong Guk to spend their time together more often before they kill each other. Laugh out loud. Is it just me? But anyway, I had played Tekken game before, when I was very young. So, maybe that’s why I think that’s the similarities too. Then my favorite The Hunger Games, still it’s about the winning or you die you lose thing. However, aside from that, I’ve enjoyed your story. It has a wonderful love story in it, amazing cast (almost all my favorites are there; although I do not know B.A.P. so much.), entertaining scenes, the intense of fighting scenes and your writing style.

Flow (4/5)

It was good. Just as I said earlier, there was a part when I thought it was boring. But don’t worry, it’s just me who thinks it is like that. You still got a 4/5 because when it was boring, my heart started beating again, racing so fast, my eyes widened, with that keen moment suddenly appearing. I don’t know if it’s right for me to say but I want to be a little faster, with more than sixteen people to fight.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (27/30)

Wow~ You are awesome. I envy you for that. Describes actions well, very well. Vocabulary is pretty great. You still had a couple mistakes. Not that many, just like very few and since it’s not that many, I will point them for you. By the way, when I say it’s not many, means it’s a very small mistake, something you can just proofread. Here it is, like in chapter 1, you typed ‘shinging’ instead of ‘shining’. See? You just misspelled it. I bet you just had to reread your story very well then it would be perfectly clean.  Then in chapter 3, you have to be careful with using punctuation marks. ‘Fixing his air’ you typed that at a very same chapter when he should be fixing his hair instead of the air. There was still other misspelled word, but you can proofread it if you can right? No problem, not all would notice a misspelled word.

There was nothing major, so chill out friend. Oh ~ be careful with point of views too. I noticed in chapter 3…or 7, I think when from the narrator/author’s P.O.V., it suddenly turned into Mika’s P.O.V. No one else should have noticed that since it’s very small, like one sentence I think. Too bad, I was reading this seriously. Haha.

Writing Style (9/10)

Love it ~ I’ve seen few flaws but its fine.

Overall Enjoyment (9/10)

I love it! I only didn’t like how slow it started going between her relationships with YongGuk (but if this was a published book, I wouldn’t say it’s slow. Haha!) and how it only has seven chapters, but it’s not like I’m blaming you. I just wanted it to be more interesting, faster and more exciting with more violent scenes, even cursing or abusing. That would be fun during a battle, enjoyable to read in my part. If only the battle between Daesung and L was longer, not as fast as what happened to L there, that was too pitiful. At least Minzy and Siwon’s fight was a little longer. They only have sixteen of them to fight, and so far two of them are gone already. Now I can’t wait between the fight of Mika vs. Daesung.

Honestly, I enjoyed this one more than I enjoyed the first story you asked me to review before although that one had a higher score. I just love how it has action in it, blood and a little angst.

Total Score: 85/100%

Congratz! Your story will be in the recommended list with 85% score!

reviewed by: sususco123