Love in Summer Camp

Title (4/5)

It didn’t catch my attention, but it does relate to the story.

Poster & Background & Trailer (5/10)

I’m sorry, but I don’t like it. The font is hard to read and… just… /sighs/ I can’t really explain, but I just think it’s terrible. The background doesn’t really match the poster.

Description & Foreword (5/10)

The first part of your description, the sentence in blue, is good. It basically sums up the entire.

Original: What will you do if you're caught in the middle of two gorgeous boys fighting over you?

Correction: What would you do if you were caught in the middle of two gorgeous boys fighting over you?

The conversation between Key and GD should go in the foreword since it’s the story and not a description of it. A foreword is basically a excerpt/teaser/sneak peek of the story.

Original: "NO! You don't deserve her" GD answered.

Correction: "NO! You don't deserve her," GD answered.

If you don’t end a quote in a period, exclamation mark, or something similar, then you must place a comma there for it to be grammatical correct.

Original: "Who the hell do you think you are to tell me that I don't deserve her? I love her and I know I deserve her more than you!" Key answered back his tone is full of anger.

Correction: "Who the hell do you think you are to tell me that I don't deserve her? I love her, and I know I deserve her more than you!" Key answered back, his tone is full of anger.

For the first mistake, ‘I love her’ and ‘I know I deserve…’ are both, individually independent clauses. When you combine two independent clauses together, you must place a comma and a coordinating conjunction in between. You had the conjunction but not the comma.

For the second mistake, you were just missing a comma.

Original: "You are really full of yourself idiot. You are nothing compared to me!" Key growled.

Correction: "You are really full of yourself, idiot. You are nothing compared to me!" Key growled.

It doesn’t follow–grammatical-wise–correctly. A comma is needed before the idiot.

As for the foreword, in my opinion, character charts should be in the description since it’s about the story. However, just like with the poster, it’s hard to read the font. It’s not good to have black font with a black/dark gray background. I have to strain my eyes just to read it.

Plot (9/10)

Despite the unoriginal storyline, I haven’t read a plot that took place at camp.

Originality (5/10)

The concept for this story isn’t original. The whole two guys falling in love with one girl is used a lot.

Flow (5/5)

The flow seems perfect to me so far.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (20/30)

I know you said English is not your first language, but I don’t consider that an excuse.

As I stated earlier in the description section you seem to have a problem with placing commas in front of conjunctions. I won’t explain those since I already did in the other section.

Original: Here it is, My parents decided to let me join a summer camp since they want my summer to be fun but I was totally against to that decision I mean computer is fun right?

Correction: Here it is, my parents decided to let me join a summer camp since they wanted my summer to be fun, but I was totally against thedecision, I mean, computer is fun, right?

Original: but I have no guts to complain to my parents because it's still favors me.

Correction: But I have no guts to complain to my parents because it's still favors me.

 You can’t start a sentence with a lowercase letter. ‘It’s still favors me.’ What does that eve mean. What favors her? Her parents? That still doesn’t make sense.

Original: Should I wear a cute one or y one or formal or..... but in the end I wore skinny jeans paired with graphic v neck tee and a black and white foot wear.

Correction: Should I wear an outfit that is cute, y, formal or… but in the end, I wore skinny jeans paired with a graphic v neck tee and black and white foot wear.

You don’t need to keep typing ‘or.’ Combine the rest with commas and add an ‘or’ at the end.

Original: I went downstairs to shove some food to let my stomach have fun.

Shove some food where? Down ? In her face? Shove some food into a random homeless guy in the street?

Original: "Bye Rica, take care and have fun I know you'll like it" she said as she bid goodbye.

Correction: "Bye Rica, take care and have fun I know you'll like it," she said as she bid goodbye.

You’re missing some punctuation. Since you have the ‘s’ in ‘she’ lowercase, there needs to be a comma after ‘it’ but before the quotation.

Original: I was surprise to see cabins, I mean I know it's a summer camp but I never thougth we will sleep on cabins.

Correction: I was surprise to see cabins, I mean, I know it's a summer camp, but I never thought we would sleep in cabins.

You can’t sleep on cabins. Well, I mean, you can if you want, but you’re insinuating that everyone at that camp would be sleeping on top of the cabins. You want them to sleep inside, right? They might get sick from the cold air at night if they sleep on the cabins. Unless… that’s what you want to happen.

Overall, your grammar isn’t bad. It’s pretty good for someone whose first language isn’t English. Your spelling is great.

Writing Style (10/10)

It’s readable and legible.

Overall Enjoyment (5/10)

It was interesting. I really like GD’s character.


Total - 68/100

Note: Sorry, if it’s low. But like I said, your grammar is pretty good. Don’t give and keep writing. Fighting!