calling EffaYusman
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Title (4/5)
Ok, here’s the thing with writing titles: you don’t use symbols unless it’s for the cover. By cover I meant books, posters and what-not. The title was good it got me on hook and wanting to read more but that ‘heart’ symbol destroyed your title. It looked rather unprofessional. With that I deduct a point.
Poster & Background & Trailer (10/10)
Not really an infinite fan (I only know L.Joe) so I don’t know who those people are in your poster and background but I think they’re not too distracting nor too plain. I find the poster simple yet elegant.
Description & Foreword (4/10)
I’m not really a fan of character charts because you don’t get to use the element of surprise and the readers won’t get the chance to imagine them with their attitude and whatever they looked like. Use the literature device if you have too.
Description is where you describe how the story goes in 2-3 sentences. It may be rhetorical questions or simply your plot. You don’t give too much away here but it gives readers what they would expect.
Forewords, on the other hand, may have a lot of things. For example character charts. I stated earlier that I’m not a fan of those but that’s where it is commonly placed. Other things you could place in the foreword are the prologue and the author’s note. You do know what prologue is right? It may contain foreshadowing that may warn the readers what to expect at the middle of the story. Author’s note contains your inspiration and where you get your idea from.
You’re foreword (page) was too cluttered thus, I deducted 3 points. Remember, neatness is a big thing for readers. It attracts them to the fic. You gave me the impression that you have no idea where to put what and the layout isn’t that good either. Again, I deduct another 3 points.
Plot (10/10)
Plot is perfect! No words needed!
Originality (10/10)
I like how you use society as the obstacle for their love. No one uses that anymore.
Flow (5/5)
Honestly have no idea how to determine the pace of a story. But somehow, I wasn’t bored with any chapter so I guess this is good?
Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (22/30)
- You use ` instead of an apostrophe (‘). I know you want to tell people that it’s your style but it is inappropriate and incorrect.
- Ellipsis (…) is proper with only 3 dots. Longer than that, it’s pretty much distracting.
- You have a lot of grammatical errors which I wanted to point out but sadly, it doesn’t let me copy.
- An excerpt from your fic in Chapter 2: ‘a -want-to-be’
It should’ve been: ‘a -wanna-be’
- Your grammar was wrong at times. There were many, thus 5 point deduction.
- Aside from the apostrophe and ellipsis issue, I saw nothing else wrong with your fic, thus 2 point deduction.
- I didn’t see any spelling mistakes or any typo’s so no deduction.
- Your vocabulary is vague. I guess that’s because English isn’t your first language? 1 point deduction for that because I understand how hard it is to think of words.
Writing Style (4/10)
Is it really necessary to put Korean words in the fic? I mean, ‘hyung’, ‘oppa’, ‘unni’ and ‘noona’ are acceptable because I use them too but other than that, is it really necessary? You could’ve used the English word instead because this is an English fic not a Korean one. Yes, it is romanized but still. Not everyone understands Korean, even though they’re just words.
Too many conversation.
In one part Chapter 3 where Sunggyu and Woohyun met, you could’ve stated a line there in a smoother way like this:
‘Woohyun and Sunggyu looked at each other. The latter narrowed his eyes and with a creased eyebrow, he tried to remember if he’s seen the men before. The former had the same expression though their thoughts were different. He was baffled and confused why the man was staring intently at him.’
Deduction of 6 points. Reason? Check the above statements.
Overall Enjoyment (10/10)
Surprisingly, I love reading it. I read the whole thing which amazed me because I don’t usually read stuff when it doesn’t concern Super Junior. What I love about your fic though was I actually connected with Woohyun’s character. No, I’m not pregnant or anything.
I felt a pang on my chest every time he has a scene with Sunggyu and it’s not normal! I’m not even a fan of mpreg.
Total: 79/100%
Reviewed by: nytslyer03
Reviewers Note:
With a lot of grammar mistakes plus your writing style is not that impressive, your plot hooked me up. This is a really nice story. Do work on your grammar. Try searching for a proof-reader to make your story more enjoyable to read. Continue writing this ‘kay? You just earned yourself a new subscriber.
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