The Hidden

Title (1/5)
It took me so long to stop pondering how the title reflects the plot of your story. I had to read everything carefully. When I found out why the title was The hidden (at least I discovered a little about the meaning behind the title), I still don't think that it sounds good for your story. Okay so, I can understand the title's meaning as I read the story but to be brutally honest 'The Hidden' sounds more like a horror, fantasy or adventure story or like there's a thing or a precious thing hidden somewhere and they all need to find it but this is angst drama we're talking about. That something hidden based on the story is not helping at all. I just didn't like the title which is also because of the genre of your story. Well, this is just my opinion.

Poster & Background & Trailer (6/10)
I think it's pretty cool. The pictures used in the poster are in good quality so it looked just fine.

Description & Foreword (5/10)
It was grammatically wrong and the plot didn't really attract me hurry and read.

What you wrote: Onew pushes him to far one day though and he grabs and kisses Onew brutally.

It could have been : However, Onew pushes him too far one day. Minho didn't have a choice but to grab Onew and kiss him brutally.

What you wrote: Then without considering the consequences he says somthing to hurt Onew.
It could have been: Without considering the consequences, he says something that hurt Onew's feelings.

• Also, you don't need to put colors (red) on the name of the narrator (ex. Minho's P.O.V.) Let it stay black and just bold it. Some readers are not really into colorful writings.

The foreword is really disgusting. I don't mean that you wrote it bad, I just think that it's disgusting imagining these two main characters like that.

Plot (5/10)
There is too much drama in the story, so I liked it a bit. I prefer Onew to be with Taemin or someone else, just not Minho. I don't know why but even though there are chapters out, I just can't learn to love his character. So, you have to work harder on Minho's character.

Originality (4/10)
All I can say is that, some parts of the story were predictable and then the other was just unexpected.

Flow (3/5)
It was fine.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (10/30)
I found a lot of mistakes. Including, missing letters in words. You have to check that (proofread more~) if you want to or you can find an editor who is willing to edit your story even just the misspelled words. Maybe your friends can help you?

Just saying.

Writing Style (4/10)
It's really choppy. I usually like straightforward writing styles, but this one made it sound too fast yet short. Disappointing.

I also do not like the different P.O.V.'s you used. Sometimes you put two POV's in one chapter and then so on. I prefer if you make an Author's POV instead or an alternate POV like for example (1st chap: Taemin, 2nd chap: Minho, 3rd chap: Onew) and then go back to the first narrator.

Once again, grammatical errors make a story dirty. So, I suggest you look for someone who can edit your story (the spelling, tenses, capitalizations, punctuations, etc.)

Overall Enjoyment (2/10)
I honestly didn't enjoy it. Although there were some parts that I liked reading, like Minho and Taemin searching for Onew (I thought that was just funny), but that's it. I didn't like the rest of the scenes.

You can still improve though! Other readers will surely love it! So, don't lose hope! You should finish your story soon!

Total – 40/100%

reviewed by: sususco123