Troublemakers

Title (2/5)

Okay, I can understand why you named it ‘Troublemakers,’ but I don’t see how it fully reflects off of your story. Your story is pretty much a triangle love affair and… your title says nothing about it.

Poster & Background & Trailer (3/10)
The poster is really small. I like how it’s edited and all but… why is it small? There aren’t a lot of details to the poster so I don’t feel a good vibe coming from this story. A story’s poster is the face of the story because it gives you an image and a feel to what, or how your story is going to be like.

No trailer or background, so no points are taken off.

Description & Foreword (4/10)
The description is nice but I don’t think it’s really eye-catching—you want to capture the attention of readers who are browsing for a fanfic!

The foreword—I just cringed seeing an author’s note right under it. I think this is the 100^th time I’ve had to repeat myself so here it is again: you should NOT write an author’s note right under the foreword because that is not something I want to see. A foreword does not only contain an author’s note—it contains a prologue, quote, or an excerpt that is relevant to your story. I strongly dislike seeing an author’s note when I scroll down to the foreword. It makes me lose interest in your story because I don’t care what you have to say. Author’s note should come at the bottom of your foreword—it should be the last thing I see before clicking on the ‘Next’ link. Why? Because it looks more organized and it looks like you know what you’re doing. 

Still on the foreword;character information. I don’t even think I can count on my fingers how many times I’ve seen this. They are not necessary because there’s a thing called writing, and when writing you should be able to write in your character. I don’t want to know that she likes hiking, or she’s hot and pretty yet innocent—to which, I can most definitely assure you that being 16, you are no longer innocent. Your innocence is most likely gone by now—if not, what have you been doing? Also, you have 3-4 short lines—not necessary.

Plot (5/10)
The plot was pretty interesting but not enough to fully capture my attention. I somewhat like the idea that the love-triangle doesn’t involve a friend rather it involves a young teacher of hers.

Originality (10/10)
Definitely original—though love triangles are really overrated, I liked this.

Flow (3/5)
The flow was pretty slow and boring—the of this story was too slow. I wanted something dramatic to happen in chapter 10, or something. But the happens at the end and I just couldn’t enjoy it.

Also, I didn’t feel the chemistry that Seunghyun and Soo Hee had—I feel like they were just people who had a (huge) and… they were getting along. I think you should intensify their chemistry—make Seunghyun do something to Soo Hee that really makes her blush! I mean, I do like it that you made him kiss her at the end but she was sleeping. I think she should have woken up because if I felt someone touching my lips while I was sleeping, I would wake up.

Dongho’s chemistry with Soo Hee didn’t do it for me either. You really just need to intensify the moment—make it hard for Soo Hee to choose between the two men because right now, I feel like she’s into Seunghyun but not a lot. Same goes for Dongho.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (28/30)
Everything was fine—all were used well and I really appreciate it! I think that for this to be someone’s first English story, it’s really good. You didn’t have many errors and the vocabulary was really well used.

The only complaint I have is when Soo Hee is texting someone (i.e Dongho, Seunghyun. You have the texting written into a paragraph—it’s just really messy and sloppy. All you need to do is just press enter and italicize it.

Writing Style (8/10)
Your writing style is really nice—it seems so natural! What I mean by natural is, its average but you have this umph! to it and I really like it.

The only problem I am having is your POV. I really do not think it is necessary for you to keep writing [Soo Hee’s POV] and then write [No one’s POV] when you’re pretty still talking about Soo Hee. Write it in her POV! There’s no use to changing it when you’re still on topic about the same character. Or, instead of having so many POV’s pop out at the same time, write it in 3^rd point omniscient. That way you’re able to write out everyone’s feelings and not have to change the POV every 2 paragraphs. It makes me irritated and I instantly lose interest.

Overall Enjoyment (5/10)
I can’t say I fully enjoyed this story but it was pretty interesting. I just think you wrote things too slow and the that was supposed to happen somewhere in the middle was too late. You didn’t have a resolution at the end— and speaking of the end, I don’t like it. I feel like cliffhangers are only appropriate for chapters not the final chapter of a story. I can understand why you wrote it like that but, it just really did not do it for me. 

Anyways, one last thing before I end this review—your characters didn’t really develop. I didn’t see any changes in them when I read the last chapter. Soo Hee was still the same badass; Seunghyun was still a teacher who was hot, and even though he did start to have feelings for Soo Hee, there was nothing different about him. Dongho—his character didn’t develop much. I do have to say that I love how you wrote him in this story. It is so his personality!

I have nothing else to say but good luck, if you plan to write a sequel. I might come read it.

Total – 68/100

Reviewer: vangbby