End in BestfriEND

Title (5/5)

Your title was absolutely fantastic. I tried thinking of a better suggestion but I came
up with none since this is already good. No deduction here.

Poster & Background & Trailer (10/10)
Another good job on this one. The poster is good. It portrays the genre of your story as sad
or maybe drama? It’s closely related to the title so good job. The background is simple yet
elegant.

Description & Foreword (6/10)
 The description mainly focused on the main characters and how they’re related however
your introduced the main characters again on the character chart and that’s a no-no
(for me). Character charts somehow beautifies your foreword page but I don’t think it’s
necessary. A writer has to use the element of surprise when it comes to the characters and
personality. This is where character development comes in. As the story progresses, the
character’s personality has to progress as well. (I got side tracked) Anyways, because of that
I deduct 2 points for the re-introduction of main characters and another 2 points for the
character chart.
- I won’t deduct any points for your foreword. You used it fairly well because you told your
readers where the inspiration came from. Remember, foreword is used as either prologue
or the author’s information. It could be both.

Plot (10/10)
The plot is well executed. I haven’t watched Skip Beat yet but I think this one is
good.

Originality (7/10)

I’ve read a lot of fanfics before. Yoona is the typical Mary Sue with Donghae as the
bastard playboy. Not so original in my opinion thus, I deduct 3 points.


Flow (5/5)

The flow is perfect! Not too slow nor too fast.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (18/30)

Warning: I will only point out some mistakes here (because I’m lazy). Since English is
not your first language I will go easy on you. Besides, I’m not really a grammar nazi
so you don’t have anything to worry about.

There were some grammatical mistakes present in your description. Like this
sentence here:

Donghae is a famous singer that goes to a high class school.

You’re making Donghae a thing here. He is a person. Check out my correction below.

Donghae is a famous singer who goes to a high class school.

Here is an example of wrong use of words:

I was about to fall when the bus braked.

Grammatically this is correct but it could’ve been better if you used the word
stopped or halted instead.

Your vocabulary is vague. Read the above statement about the wrong use of
words. I understand that English isn’t you first language and it’s hard to find words
that would fit the sentence because that’s also my problem whenever I write. I
understand that point.

This is not a deduction. For you to know how I’ll grade your fic, you should know
how I’ll score this part.
10 points for grammar
10 points for vocabulary
5 points for punctuation
5 points for spelling

Deduction of 5 points for grammar and vocabulary. You have a lot of grammatical
error here, which is understandable. As stated earlier, your vocabulary is vague. Try
using thesaurus. 2 points for spelling.

Writing Style (2/10)
You write some things that aren’t necessary. For example in the description, you
began the passage with this:

Donghae is a famous singer that goes to a high class school. Well, even it's a high class
one, every girls still do fangirling over him. He's a cold boy, who is famous as a playboy
everywhere. He'll date whoever he likes for only a day, or worst, an hour.

You could’ve written it like this:

Donghae goes to a high class school and is a famous singer. Though the school is exclusive,
every woman in the entire student body population goes gaga on him. Though deemed as
a cold person, he’s infamous for being a playboy who dates women for a day or worse, an
hour.

See? Here’s another example from your Chapter 1:

I woke up from my sleep. I glanced at the window and walked there. I opened the curtain
and welcomed the sunshine. I glanced at the clock above my bed and immediately ran to the
bathroom outside my bedroom.

It could’ve have been written as:

When I woke up, I walked towards the window and pushed the curtain aside to welcome
the heated light. I smiled to myself thinking how wonderful the weather seemed to be.
My thoughts, however were interrupted when I glanced at my alarm and immediately ran
towards the bathroom.

Or maybe something else, it all depends on the author’s writing style.

See the difference? The way you wrote yours was a little bit too obvious. You don’t have to
state everything in a fic, just enough for your readers to understand.

I won’t give opinion on everything. I’m not really fond of your writing style because
you were like a robot telling your readers what the character did and the placement of
everything in detail (not a compliment). There’s a positive way of detailing a passage and
that is by using adjectives. Using adjectives is like using the equations in Mathematics. If you
don’t know how to use them, you’ll surely fail (I cannot think of another paradox)

As stated earlier, I’m not fond of your writing style so I’m deducting 8 points here. I’m pretty
harsh on this aspect so I apologize for the low score.

Overall Enjoyment (1/10)

Honestly, I did not enjoy it. My enjoyment, most specifically, is based on the writer’s
writing style. I have to skip a lot of lines here and there because you clutter too
much information that isn’t important. Thus, I’m giving you a point. Sorry for being
brutally honest.

Total Score: 64/100%

reviewed by: nytslyer03