My Band Member Is...Pregnant?!

Title (3/5): Honestly, it’s too straightforward. I can’t say that it’s a very catchy title, but it’s definitely an eye-catcher. However, all the dots that separate the most important word of the title is kind of thrown off. Without the dots, I think that the title would’ve looked neater.

Poster/Trailer/Background (9/10): I like the poster. It’s well made and all the words are legible. The small dialogue on the side really pulls the reader in, but the colors don’t match too well. This is more a comedy, so I’d like to see brighter colors.

Description/Foreword (8/10): It gives a brief run over what the general gist of the story is, so it’s quick without detail. I do like that. I wish you’d have given a bit more info about the individual problems we’ll see and leave some mystery. I so like that you left the reader hanging at the end, but I wish you wouldn’t have done it in a way that the sentence was unfinished.

Plot (8/10): The plot is coming along very nicely. Though, I wish it’d be a bit clearer. Having the opinion of Sungmin’s uality jump back and forth make a reader wonder, but it’s also a bit random. I hope you develop the plot a bit more to see what kind of trouble Sungmin gets into. ^^

Originality (7/10): Ah~ M-preg! Many authors use male pregnancy as an instant conflict for the story; however, it is also unrealistic unless in a completely fictional world. Here, you’ve given us a question to ponder: Is Sungmin really a girl? This, I find, is a wonderfully new way of introducing pregnancy into a story. I like it, but now… If Sungmin’s a girl, it’s no longer called m-preg, but still, it’s pretty original. What I would say is not original is the actual idea of using pregnancy as a conflict.

Flow (3/5): It’s a bit chopped up, I’ll say. Maybe filling the reader in with some details—where’re they’re at; what they’re rooms look like; etc… That’d be good. Because it’s only dialogue, it feels like we’re just reading someone’s IMs. I’d like to see you actually put us in the story and feeling what the characters feel.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (20/30): Ah~ What can I say? There were many grammatical errors, as well as spelling. Easily skipped over, some errs could be overlooked and even unnoticed, but then there were the bigger ones that would just make you sit and wonder. I suggest rereading your work before posting and if you’re not sure if it’s correct, ask a native English speaker. ^^

Writing Style (8/10): Your style was a bit quick and non-descriptive. I really would’ve liked to see some more commentary and narrative instead of mostly dialogue. Take your time in writing and make sure to proof-read.

Overall Enjoyment (8/10): M-preg’s not usually my style, but this caught my attention. I still wish you would’ve added some small information about how their dorm looked and everything, something more than just dialogue, but in all, it was a pretty interesting story. I’m curious to see if Sungmin really is a girl or not, because right now, it still seems unclear.

Total: 65/100

reviewer: Star_Sarang
this fanfic was given to Star_Sarang because vangbby doesn't review mpreg, please understand ^^;