calling b2utyfulshawol
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Title (4/5) - Seems interesting to me. It makes me feel like there's something wrong, and I really want to find out what it is.
Poster & Background & Trailer (10/10) - The poster is amazing. I - I seriously do not know what to say. It's just beautiful, period. The trailer. The trailer! It's just so.. agh! I seriously love it! (And the song you used hahaha^^) The black and white made it more dramatic. Great job.
Description & Foreword (10/10) - Short and simple. Although I can sort of tell what is going to happen. But, I love it so much because I can relate so well to that one sentence in the description. I could tell from reading the foreward that I was going to love this story. The ending sentence, "They understand what happened.", made me wonder, what happened? What happened to him? That's what I expect in a description/foreward, and you did all of that. Bravo!
Plot (9/10) - Plot has been used alot. Loving someone, when they already love someone else. I've seen it many times before. Although, with your writing skills you've made me really enjoy this story already. Even though the plot has been used many times before, I think that you've added just a hint of originality to it. Your writing is absolutely mind blowing. (BLOW YOUR MIND! Sorry, listening to Mr.Simple right now!)
Originality (9/10) - Since it only has 4 chapters right now, I can't really see the originality in it. Although, it was quite exciting and I anticipated what would happen in each chapter.
Flow (5/5) - Flow is good. You don't rush into things too fast, which I appreciate. You also don't take too long to get to the point.
Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (28/30) - In the foreward, you started one of your sentences with but. "But I don’t know if you know that yet."
Poster & Background & Trailer (10/10) - The poster is amazing. I - I seriously do not know what to say. It's just beautiful, period. The trailer. The trailer! It's just so.. agh! I seriously love it! (And the song you used hahaha^^) The black and white made it more dramatic. Great job.
Description & Foreword (10/10) - Short and simple. Although I can sort of tell what is going to happen. But, I love it so much because I can relate so well to that one sentence in the description. I could tell from reading the foreward that I was going to love this story. The ending sentence, "They understand what happened.", made me wonder, what happened? What happened to him? That's what I expect in a description/foreward, and you did all of that. Bravo!
Plot (9/10) - Plot has been used alot. Loving someone, when they already love someone else. I've seen it many times before. Although, with your writing skills you've made me really enjoy this story already. Even though the plot has been used many times before, I think that you've added just a hint of originality to it. Your writing is absolutely mind blowing. (BLOW YOUR MIND! Sorry, listening to Mr.Simple right now!)
Originality (9/10) - Since it only has 4 chapters right now, I can't really see the originality in it. Although, it was quite exciting and I anticipated what would happen in each chapter.
Flow (5/5) - Flow is good. You don't rush into things too fast, which I appreciate. You also don't take too long to get to the point.
Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (28/30) - In the foreward, you started one of your sentences with but. "But I don’t know if you know that yet."
You also started one of your sentences with because in the foreward, as well. "Because I feel so exhausted and so weak, I unclasped my hand and out falls a silver ring."
You don't start your sentences with and, but or because. I don't know why, but that's just what your not supposed to do.
Also, in the first chapter you wrote, "You shake her head. “This is my one and only day I have tutoring cancelled.” I wasn't really sure what you meant by "You shake her head." Although, I'm sure it's nothing big.
After that I didn't find any mistakes.
Writing Style (10/10) - You didn't use bright neon colors like some authors on AFF do. You used black for all of the chapters, so I'm glad about that.
Overall Enjoyment (10/10) - I loved all 4 chapters of this fic. The writing was exquisite, the poster/trailer were well made, I couldn't have asked for anything better. Your an excellent writer, and I look foreward to any new fics you create in the future!
Total - 95/100
Overall Enjoyment (10/10) - I loved all 4 chapters of this fic. The writing was exquisite, the poster/trailer were well made, I couldn't have asked for anything better. Your an excellent writer, and I look foreward to any new fics you create in the future!
Total - 95/100
reviewed by: xxsilverfox
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