Drown in Delusion

Title (5/5)

The title fit the story very well. A dream is basically a delusion of the mind and to have that type
of dream and you didn’t write that he woke up at the end. I assume that it’s titled Drowning in
Delusion because he keeps thinking about the dream and is unable to move forward with it.

Poster/Background/Trailer (/10)

Description & Foreword (5/10)

It’s okay, since you can’t really give that much for a one-shot without giving everything away.
But it wasn’t entirely interesting and if I had seen it I wouldn’t just went to find something else
to read.

Plot (6/10)

It was kind of interesting, but not completely mind-captivating. I found it a little boring and dull
like there was nothing there but words.

Originality (7/10)

While I haven’t seen another story like this one, it’s kind of funny because I remember last year
when I was doing my ACT there was a passage that I had to read and it was almost exactly like
this. A lot of the same words and everything.

But still, I really haven’t seen a story like this so it was pretty interesting to read.

Flow (3/5)

It was a little slow and dragged on quite a bit.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (28/30)

Everything seemed to be okay but I noticed that you use a lot of dashes - in replace of commas
and then you miss out on a lot of comma placements and have run on sentences.

Writing Style (6/10)

Your writing style didn’t do anything for me and honestly, I wasn’t that impressed. There’s too
many single and double sentences just dangling around, not enough detail, I didn’t even know
who I was reading about, and it just lacked feel to it.

I kind of wanted to see some emotion, but there wasn’t any. The guy was talking to a
psychologist because of a repeated dream he kept having. Why did he want to talk about it
anyways, was it frustrating him? You should write that in. And the dream itself really had no
description; I was expecting it to be something utterly mystifying but it was just plain and dull,
no excitement at all.

Then later when you wrote about him letting the dream go on so he could see the beautiful
boy, the action between them wasn’t mind-blowing or captivating or anything like that. I was
expecting everything I read to lead up to some magnificent and out of this world dream thing and
it wasn’t.

I was rather disappointed in this story to be honest.

Overall Enjoyment (1/10)

Didn’t particularly enjoy it because it had so much missing to it.

Total Score: 61/90%

reviewed by: peacelovehugs

reviewer's note: (this is also in the rule number 10.) Can you tell the people to put their stories on Allow Text Selection while we review their stories? It's kind of hard to do the grammar part if I can't copy and paste their mistakes into the review.