Living With Super Junior

a. Title (2/5) - Title seems cliched. I've seen many fics with the same title, just with different groups. Although it doesn't really catch my attention, it would be a title I'd just click to see more about.

b. Poster & Background & Trailer (10/10) - Your poster is outstanding. It matches the theme perfectly. It's not too messy, which I like. The background is a little iffy. I mean, it's cute and all, but it looks kind of.. strange with the story. But that's alright, the apperance is good.You have no trailer, so I didn't deduct points for that.

c. Description & Foreword (3/10) - Description is.. meh. It could have been better. It seems kind of boring, really.

d. Plot (2/10) - Very, very cliched. There are countless - and I mean COUNTLESS - fics on AFF here that have similar plots to yours. You could have created a better, more original plot. Or, if you really wanted to use this plot, you could atleast change it up a bit to make it more interesting and unique.

e. Originality (2/10) - Your story lacked alot of originality. I could have gone for something more exciting, something that wasn't so predictable and overused. Your story could have a little bit more suspense at the each of each chapter, a more interesting story plot. I'm sure you could have come up with a more original story.

f. Flow (4/5) - It's alright. It doesn't move too slowly, and it doesn't go to fast. Although some of the chapters were quite boring.

g. Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (12/30) In the first chapter, you wrote
*look around* Haizz where's umma?????
It is supposed to be *LOOKS around*, and I don't like how you used too much question marks and you wrote 'haizz'. I don't know what your trying to say there, but if your trying to say 'Hey', please just write 'hey' instead of 'haizz'.
When you write "cause" you don't spell it like "cuz". Please try to spell it the correct way.
You also wrote: "This is your room and I think you already knew! keke! You should change into somthing more comfortable! It's your house anyway! When you finish come down and I'll introduce you to the other!"
Correction: "This is your room and I think you already knew, keke! You should change into SOMETHING more comfortable! It's your house anyway! When you finish come down and I'll introduce you to the OTHERS!" (Also, it would be much better if you didn't include 'keke'. Either way it's fine.)
Also, remember to use capitalization at the start of your sentences. In some of your sentences you don't use capitalization. I think you should read over your story and correct any mistakes, because there is alot.

TIPS: I think you should edit your chapters before posting. That way you'll make sure you have no mistakes.


h. Writing Style (3/10) - In the 4th chapter, you started putting spaces before your punctuation. I think you shouldn't do that, beacuse it looks strange and unprofessional. Instead of writing: " YAAHHH ! Quiet down !! Wait , did you break the dishes ? Yah Kyuhyun , I told you if you can't cook then don't come near the kitchen ! " Write: "YAAHHH! Quiet down! Wait, did you break the dishes? Yah Kyuhyun, I told you if you can't cook then don't come near the kitchen!" It looks much better, right?
Also, don't use *_____* when writing actions. Just explain what their doing using descriptive words. You don't need to put the stars. Please don't use so much exclamation marks and question marks. It looks unprofessional. Oh, and don't use "><" so much. Same goes for ~ at the end of each sentence. I really don't like when authors use too much ~ in their stories. As well as the little 'emoticons' you add in your text. It would look much more professional and well written without them.
In the beginning, I didn't like how you wrote your dialogue. You wrote it like:
Mom: ______________
You: ___________
Mom: ____________
Don't write the dialogue like that. For some reason, it annoys me when people do that.

i. Overall Enjoyment (4/10) - I wasn't really interested in this fic that much. Although, if you expanded your vocabulary a bit and if you came up with a more unique plot, I'm sure I'd love it. Continue to improve in your writing and you'll be great! I did enjoy some parts of the story, and some parts made me laugh.
 

Total: 42/100%

reviewed by: xxSilverFox