Blink Twice

Title

Okay title, did catch my attention a bit but it has nothing to do with the story.

Poster/Background/Trailer

Yeah. Nothing special, doesn’t even go with the story.

Description and Foreword

I have got to say, this is honestly the most horrible foreword page I have ever read on this site.

First off, this is not an advertising site; it’s where inspiring author’s come to share their stories with
others. We don’t want to read stuff like ‘I hope you will read it to the end and have fun’ or ‘start by
clicking the next button’. You don’t need to advertise your story and if you do then I’m just going to go
find a different story written by an author with writing etiquette.

Secondly, no one wants to read ‘subscribe and comment. No silent readers.’ It just shows that you are
being greedy and are doing this for comments. Yes, I admit that I’ve done that too, but all it does it piss
people off and make them leave your story. But most of all, when you have it written twice on the same
page is just plain irritating. You also don’t need to thank people on the first page for reading it, because
nine out of ten times, they aren’t going to finish reading it. And then saying ‘for more, read the first
chapter’…seriously? Seriously? You’re really going to do that? Well, I can say now that I wouldn’t read
your story even if you paid me, but sadly I have to. Do not write stuff like this, it makes you look so
pathetic and annoying.

Thirdly, stating that English is not your first language, and I’ve said this a million times, is basically
telling everyone that comes across your story that you at writing and have no style, proper grammar,
and are a second rate writer with no skill. People who like to read good stories aren’t going to want to
read this and you will be stuck with the twelve and thirteen year olds on the site, and they have no sense
of what’s good or bad. And stating that it’s not your first or second language means nothing, it still means
you can’t write it properly and it’s going to be super annoying to read all your mistakes.

Fourth, telling us not to copy your story. Trust me, we won’t. Yes, there are people on the site that use the
same base idea for the story, but have you ever found anyone who actually copied someone else’s story?
‘Cause I sure haven’t. So don’t flatter yourself and make it seem like you have something really amazing
coming up that people are going to want to steal and make it their own, because you definitely don’t.

Fifth, what is with the legend? This is not a map we don’t need that. We don’t need you telling us what
color the story is, it’s kind of a no-brainer. Also, no need to put your notes in a different color. Better yet,
don’t put them there at all! No one wants to read them!

Now I will start on the actual description of the story:

It .

Plain and simple .

It did not catch my interest at all and it just looked so poorly written I knew the story was going to be
the exact same way. You have a good general idea for the description, but they way it was written is just
terrible. Try writing it like this:

“You are the new girl at school, just another fish in the sea. With a plain and simple life with no
excitement at all, that soon changes when you come face to face with bright, blue eyes and an adorable
smile that goes by the name of L.Joe. It’s love at first sight and you have no problems with keeping that
a secret until you meet Jessica, L.Joe’s jealous girlfriend. From that moment on, you know that your life
will never be the same again.”

And still, it sounds completely boring when I wrote it for you. You need to give the girl a name because
I sure as heck don’t want to read a story with You this You that You thinks…it’s annoying. And using
____ does not cut it. No one even puts a name there; it just stays a blank line throughout the story. Give
her a name or don’t write an OC story at all; easy as that.

Now, for the character list: Take it off.

What the heck is the point of making character lists? So you don’t have to write the story? Have you ever
read a published book that has a list of characters and their personalities and looks on the first page? No, I
can guarantee that you have not. Do not put in the character list because that’s pretty much what the story
is about, reading and learning about a person as the story progresses and watch them go through changes.
It’s writing 101, learn it.

Plot

Sorry, what was the plot about?

Originality

Can’t even grade you on this because the story is just so…dumb and plotless and has no point to it.

Flow
Slow down. You move way too fast without stopping and giving details.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary

Absolutely terrible. Look, I know you said that English is not your main language, but you are obviously
on a computer using the internet so you can look up grammar and such. There are several ELA writing
sites that can help you, and also *gasp* ONLINE DICTIONARIES! Who would have known? Ever been
to dictionary.com? There, it’s your new best friend.

Comma’s: these cute little shrimp like things , , , , aren’t they cute? Use them at a pause.

Good morning, person!

Honestly, I think…

Lastly, is this…

Dialogue:

“What you think you are?” – Jessica knocked on your head.

“Who do you think you are?” Jessica asked, knocking you on your head.

“You think you are good enough for him. He can have every girl in this city.”- Hyuna laughed evilish. <
while I’m at it, don’t make up words. If they’re not in a dictionary they don’t exist so don’t make
them up.

“Do you think that you’re good enough for him? He could have any girl in the city!” Hyuna said,
laughing evilly.

Writing Style

You have no style, at all.

Overall Enjoyment

This was so dumb.

So do you really think by threatening people to stop writing will get them to subscribe and comment?
You are so pathetic. Who does that? Obviously if you have no subscribers then no one is reading it, and
you don’t need to threaten them. If they aren’t reading and commenting, it means they don’t like your
story! Get the over yourself; if you have to threaten people to take the story down then you don’t deserve
to be called an author. And the long author’s notes at the end! Just stop it already! No one cares! And no
one is going to read your whining!

I found this story awhile ago and there are several like it on the site and I really think that you could learn
a thing or two from reading them. http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/164248/asianfanfics-ranting-
rant

Total Score: 6/100%

reviewed by: peacelovehugs

Author's Note: whoa. Don't give up on your story okay? You should be encouraged more to be better in the future! We'll look forward for you next time! :)