Kidnapping Idols

Title (5/5)

It’s eye-catching. I would definitely click to read the story.

Poster & Background & Trailer (7/10)

In my opinion, the poster looks like one of those American comedy movies. Probably because of the two Americans–they are Americans, right?–on the front. I like the movie reel with the idols on it.

Description & Foreword (5/10)

The description was interesting, but it belongs in the foreword. You just had a couple of grammatical errors.

Original: It was a cloudy but warm night and you could feel the rain in the air.

Correction: It was a cloudy but warm night, and you could feel the rain in the air.

From ‘and you could…’ is an independent clause, therefore you must place a comma in front of the coordinating conjunction.

Original: As the door closed a gust of wind went through the apartment, blowing a piece of paper off the table onto the ground.

Correction: As the door closed, a gust of wind went through the apartment, blowing a piece of paper off the table onto the ground.

Another instance where you would need a comma.

Plot (7/10)

I know this is fiction, but it’s kind of hard to believe that none of these idols aren’t at least freaked out a bit or scared of those two girls and the fact that they were kidnapped to just play games and make Sungyeol more popular. I mean, are any of them even thinking about escaping? Aren’t any of them, in the least, thinking of a way to escape? I know Luhan and Sehun are scared, but none of the others?

Originality (10/10)

Yeah, it’s original. I haven’t read any stories like this before.

Flow (5/5)

It’s only two chapters, but the flow is going good so far.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (25/30)

Your only problem throughout chapter one is conversation. You have to press enter every time someone different speaks. You do this correctly in chapter two, so why not chapter one?

Original: “What?!” he screeched. “How can we have a movie night without popcorn?” The oldest cringed at the tone. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled. Sungjong then just looked down, giving the impression the worst thing ever had happened to him.

Correction: “What?!” He screeched. “How can we have a movie night without popcorn?” The oldest cringed at the tone.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. Sungjong looked down, giving the impression of worst thing ever had happened to him.

Also, in chapter two, llama is spelled with two l’s, not one. A lama is a Tibetan priest. And songs titles have to in quotations. For example, I was listening to “Be Mine” by Infinite today.

Writing Style (10/10)

It’s normal, legible, and readable.

Overall Enjoyment (2/10)

I didn’t really enjoy this. There isn’t any character description of the idols. Not everyone knows what these idols looks like. Other than that, I kind of find this boring, though. I suggest requesting for a review when you have more than four chapters. I might’ve enjoyed it more…


Total - 76/100