I Want You To Want Me

Title (3/5)

Honestly, it’s not the most original title I’ve ever seen. It’s cute, but I really expected more angst in the story because the title gives me an aura of a one sided, possessive relationship, but here, I just drowned in fluff with a touch of angst.

Poster/Trailer/Background (6/10)

I like your poster. It was put well together with that they had. However, I don’t think it ties in well with the story. I can’t explain it, but I just don’t get the same feeling from the poster and the story. The background is also distracting. I wish it had been toned down a bit. It was overwhelming to see so many pictures. I wish you could’ve changed the pictures of the characters’ POV throughout the story instead of using the same pictures of Donghae and Hyukjae over and over again.

Description/Foreword (4/10)

I didn’t really like your description of the story. To me, it was a bit too short for my liking. I wish you also would’ve written a sort of prologue in the foreword section. I wanted more about the story, but you didn’t really put enough for me to get in.

Plot (6/10)

Truthfully, not something I would read. From the description to the actual story, I thought it was separate writings. The plot was a bit scattered at the beginning and I really didn’t know what was going on because I thought you would’ve began the story with Donghae pursuing Hyukjae immediately, but you backtracked all the way until before they even met. I was really thrown off at that point.

Originality (4/10)

Not much originality really. I’ve seen this kind of story in a lot of other pairings too. They meet, become friends, suddenly realize they like each other, avoid each other, get back together, parents disapprove, and yada. It bores me to death sometimes.

Flow (3/5)

Like I said before, it’s a bit scattered in the beginning. After that, it’s a bit slow, and then suddenly everything rushes out, and then it mellows out into a steady beat that never ends. Even at the end, I feel like it’s a cliffhanger.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (15/30)

Grammar, spelling, and vocabulary I really have no problem with. I do have a problem with your punctuation. Surprisingly, it has nothing to do with comma placements or run-on sentences, but rather the fact that you did not use quotation marks whatsoever. Quotations go around all dialogue, which is an important aspect of very many stories. Here, you’ve so much dialogue that I could not identify because they had no quotations around them. I suggest you fix that.

Writing Style (2/10)

Personally, I didn’t like your writing because it was too informal and it was difficult to identify your sentences. Your thoughts seemed kind of everywhere. To differentiate narrative, dialogue, and commentary was hard; I couldn’t really focus because your writing was so sporadic.

Overall Enjoyment (1/10)

Nothing personally against you, I just didn’t like this story because it was so cliché. It’s not anything I would really read because I can find this almost anywhere. I wish you’d put something unique in the story and twist it up a bit. I think it would’ve been much more interesting then.

Total Score: 44/100%

reviewed by: Star_Sarang