Block B's New Dorm is a Haunted House?

Title (1/5)

The title is too straight-forwarded; I think you could have named it something else, like maybe a title that relates to the bloody girl Minhyuk and Jaehyo have seen.

Poster & Background & Trailer (2/10)

The poster… it doesn’t work for me. It’s nice that the poster looks like it’s supposed to be dark, but the pictures of Block B just don’t work. Some of the pictures are squeezed in—which do not look good, and it just doesn’t have the feel your fanfic needs. I’m not impressed. Also, from the looks of it, I’m guessing you made the poster—if you made the poster just to use it temporary, I would be fine with it but if not, definitely go search for a poster shop. There are two poster shops I recommend for angst-y, scary posters and they are Corrupted State of Mind and Footprints. Both have amazing, high-quality posters.

Description & Foreword (3/10)

The description—I don’t feel any anticipation reading this and your sentence structure is written incorrectly. So your description should look something like this:

Block B’s recent comeback scored them to win on three music shows in a row: Music Bank, Music Core and Inkigayo. It was their first win since debut and Cho PD could never be any prouder; because of their win, Cho PD thought the boys deserved a new dorm to live in. Excitedly, the boys move into their new dorm not knowing what was waiting for them…

Just a tip; normally when I write my descriptions, I try keeping them short as possible because I feel if you explain too much, you’ll either give away too much or you’ll write too much irrelevant things. In this case, I feel like you wrote too much irrelevant things. We don’t need to know that Block B won because you could probably write this into your story. Just make it simple but make sure it’s captivating. Also, it was not necessary to enlarge your font and highlight it pink; regular font with the regular size is good enough.

On to the foreword; I’m not exactly sure why you only wrote a one-line dialogue then Hanhae’s name like as if it was a quote. It makes me feel unsure about this story and makes me second-guess myself, wondering if you know what you’re doing.

Plot (8/10)

Definitely an interesting plot; I am doing to admit that I did get freaked out when you had the bloody girl appear a few times. Though I’m not exactly sure where you’re going with this, I’m definitely anticipating on the future chapters.

Originality (10/10)

Definitely original—sure there might be others that are similar but I like this version.

Flow (5/5)

The flow was neither too fast nor too slow.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (20/30)

Grammar—there are some sentence structure problems here and there; I think you should re-read your chapters before posting it up. Just a suggestion!

Punctuation—Okay, I don’t understand why you’re using the apostrophe rather than using quotation marks. Quotation marks are on the keyboard for a reason and I would highly suggest you use those rather than the apostrophe. It makes your story look more appealing rather than it being unorganized and messy. Same goes for the whole “Zico:” deal; why are you writing it like it’s a script? Just because they have different reactions doesn’t mean you can’t detail their reactions out by writing it!

The spelling and vocabulary is good; I see no problem in this section.

Writing Style (4/10)

This isn’t exactly a kind of writing style I would consider reading in a story but I do like how you try to be descriptive. Though I think you can do better. It’s just a bit choppy and too childish.

Also, I don’t like how you keep changing the color font; it’s distracting and I immediately lose interest.

Overall Enjoyment (4/10)

Seeing that this was a Block B story, I was excited to read/review this story but my anticipation pretty much drained down the sink when I clicked on the story. Since you had comedy on your tags, I was hoping for some comedy relief in this story (after all the scary things had taken place) but I didn’t find any comedy in this story. All I found was a bunch of random things being written in. Like in the first chapter when you had Kyung asking Zico where his was stashed rather than finding it to be funny, I found it random and awkward.

And also the pairing you have in the story seems more intimate than a bromance. I don’t think guys would kiss each other and think that’s bromance. It seems more intimate—maybe more . I have to admit it’s cute (in a way) but I don’t see it’s bromance in any way.

Total – 57/100

Reviewer: vangbby