Is This The End Of Me?

Title (4/5)

It’s a very mysterious title. It makes the reader want to know “what is the end?” and “is this the end?” Though, in titles, one must capitalize all important words, so I would’ve expected the title to look like this: Is This the End of Me?

Poster/Trailer/Background (4/10)

The poster is actually just a picture, so no title or author was given. I would’ve liked to see an actual poster so I could know the title and author. A poster is important when promoting a fic because it makes it easier to credit someone. The background is also a bit distracting. It’s a blurry, low quality picture, and I would’ve taken a plain white background to that any day. Please go see a graphic shop or make your own graphics. It’s a really good idea.

Description/Foreword (7/10)

I like the summary. It’s not too long and it proposes many questions that a reader will probably ask themselves throughout the story. It’s also very dramatic and gives a sense of intensity. However, there are many punctuation errors, a lack of commas. Also, when you have an A/N, you should indicate that. It’s not required or anything, but I find that it’s much neater and doesn’t confuse your readers. I wish the prologue would’ve been longer. It’s a small snippet from the first chapter, and it’s interesting, but I wish that maybe you would’ve made an actual prologue and added maybe how the two became orphans or something.

Plot (7/10)

The plot was pretty quick. Already in the first chapters, Mir and Joon get adopted, and after that, it’s a roller coaster ride with their new life. The idea of the story is very interesting; however, the characters you picked for this story don’t seem right. I can’t imagine any of the MBLAQ members going all murder psycho.

Originality (8/10)

It was a pretty interesting story, but I feel like you had gotten the ideas from a movie. I mean… Orphans? Changing of names? It makes sense, but it also seems predictable. And then the orphan going around killing… Yeah… I’m sure I’ve seen that in several movies somewhere.

Flow (5/5)

I actually liked the flow. It wasn’t too quick or too slow. When everything starts getting hectic, it picks up, but it’s a nice pace. One could easily pick up the story and read it smoothly by events.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (15/30)

Ah~ This… You had a lot of trouble with punctuation, I see. Many commas were missing and in some places, too many periods were added. For example:
“Narsha………………………………are you screwing with us?” I asked in disbelief.
Do you see how many ellipses there are?! I can’t even call that an ellipses anymore! Three periods would’ve been enough. That’s just TOO DRAMATIC!
Also, you seem to have a problem with writing numbers out. Like:
“5 more minutes”
There are actually two things wrong with this. You are missing a period, and since the number five starts the sentence, you MUST write it out. A numeral NEVER begins a sentence. This is how it should’ve been written:
“Five more minutes.”
Also, when writing any transitional number (like first, second, and third) you also MUST write it out, unless it’s a number that it more than three syllables.

Writing Style (7/10)

The writing style is quite unique. You write a lot, but you don’t write in advanced details. Improve your English vocabulary and I’m sure you’ll do well. Make sure to punctuate your sentences correctly and don’t be lazy to type things out.

Overall Enjoyment (2/10)

I really… I still can’t see Mir and Joon as brothers and I can’t see anyone of them going off and killing. If it had been like… Kyuhyun or someone with the title of “Evil Maknae” or “evil” or one of those idols that EVERYONE knows is quite snarky, then yeah, I could see it, but not any MBLAQ member.

Total Score: 59/100%

reviewed by: Star_Sarang

Author's note : I see your comment mio689~ :)) Sorry about that. I didn't notice but anyway, good timing. The reviewer finally finished your story review.