Love Brought Us Together

Title (1/5)

The title does not fit the story at all. Love brought no one together, because at first Seohyun
hated both Kyuhyun and Yonghwa. Seeing as Seohyun loves Kyuhyun but is being forced to
marry Yonghwa you could have come up with something wittier, but not so cliché.

Poster/Background/Trailer (0/10)

First off, why do you think it’s necessary to make a new poster for each chapter? That is
completely annoying and distracting. Use one, not ten. Secondly, you stated that you made
them yourself and are proud of yourself? Why are you proud? There’s nothing special about
them and they look really dumb. Posting pictures of Seohyun and Kyuhyun together on random
backgrounds and putting hearts around them is not cute at all. Let alone, you chose some pictures
that have words written across them. Request from someone’s shop to make you a poster or
don’t use one at all.

Description & Foreword (2/10)

The description is not that bad, but it’s too cliché. Try using this:

“Seohyun was just an ordinary girl living out her youth. While working at a café she meets
a man named Kyuhyun and while at first they get off to a rocky start, love soon blossoms.
However, someone intervenes in their happiness set to tear them apart, Seohyun’s soon-to-be
husband, Yonghwa.”

Or something like that, because it sounds way better than what you wrote. And while whatever
you write for the description may be enough to catch someone’s attention, that’ll stop once they
move down the page. Do not write an author’s note in the description, write it very last at the
bottom or don’t write it all because I can assure you that no one actually cares.

The character descriptions are completely pointless as we find out all that about them in
the story, so take them off. The random quotes in the story do not pertain to the story, also
unnecessary.

Plot (1/10)

Personally I didn’t like the plot and thought it was dumb. Seohyun, a poor girl, meets a jerk and
they both spontaneously fall in love only to be broken apart by an arranged marriage? So boring.
And not only that, you didn’t even give them time to fall in love or whatever! Three encounters

and Kyuhyun confessed to her and then they’re already talking about ! The plot is just so
dumb and I totally would not read it if I had found it on my own.

Originality (0/10)

Here are common, cliché things in stories:

1. You have a poor girl
2. She meets a guy and hates him yet they fall in love
3. One of them is in an arranged marriage and must obliged

There is nothing original about your story at all.

Flow (1/5)

You move way too fast. They meet, hate each other, fall in love, talk about , then arrange
marriage, two break up, all in ten chapters.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (19/30)

I’m not editing this because there are too many mistakes, but I’ll tell you what needs fixed.

1. End dialogue with a comma unless it’s an exclamation or question.
2. Always capitalize the word following the dialogue.
3. ‘Grind my teeth and just do it’ is the incorrect term. You mean ‘Grit my teeth and bear
it.’
4. Commas are a wonderful thing. Search google for lessons on how to use them.
5. ‘Dog-tired’ don’t make up dumb stuff like that, just say she’s exhausted.

Writing Style (1/10)

There is no emotion in this story, descriptiveness, details, etc.

You have too much going on and way too much dialogue for this to be considered good.

Overall Enjoyment (0/10)

Ugh your story was just…I didn’t like it one bit.

First off, you make Seohyun the rude one, not Kyuhyun. If you are giving someone a personality,
at least know how to even portray personalities and behaviors.

Secondly, there is no way in hell that a rich family would allow their son to marry a common
poor girl, it would never happen. Unless you understand the foundations of social status, don’t
write about a rich singer marrying a poor girl because of his mother. Mother generally don’t care
who their kid will marry, but obviously it would have to be someone with social status that can
contribute to their company or whatever. Watch some movies, read some books, get a clue and
don’t write about something that’s socially wrong.

Thirdly, just stop it with the author’s notes. No one wants to see a paragraph of purple words at
the bottom of the story.

Total Score: 25/100%

reviewed by: peacelovehugs