Hello Baby : Special Season !!!

a. Title (2/5)
A very generic title, and generic titles are not good.

b. Poster & Background & Trailer (8/10)
I definitely love the poster! It’s so cute and fluffy that it matches the story and I would have given you full points but then the background just does not match.

c. Description & Foreword (4/10)
The description was okay; it pretty much explained what the whole story was about but I do like it that you don’t tell us which of the boys she falls for. That is the key when writing your description because you want to leave your readers wondering/wanting more about the story. Then again, when you added the little P.S note thing, it just kind of threw me off.

The foreword is also okay; I just don’t like how you only wrote the dialects.

d. Plot (4/10)
The plot doesn’t interest me; there are way too many stories out there that have the same plot as you do and it’s nothing new. BUT I will say that I like it that you used members from other groups and not just one group.

One thing that bothered me was how the girl was suddenly just picked. I think something more dramatic should’ve happened and not just a man going around, looking for a random girl. I have an idea on what I mean by dramatic but that would be a different story than what we’re talking about.
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e. Originality (2/10)
Not an original because well you pretty much got the idea from the show, Hello Baby, and just tweaked it some to your own liking.

f. Flow (2/5)
The story lagged a bit, I was bored when reading it.


g. Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (4/30)
There are a lot of grammar mistakes being made and I understand it that English isn’t your first language but it’s not that hard to ask someone who is good at the English language to help proofread this for you. There was way too many Korean words being written in the story that it made me cringe every time I saw one. I felt like you abused the words and went way over the top.

I really did not like how you put a space in between the quotation marks and the first letter of the word after the marks. It looks weird and I just really do not like it at all. It really just made me lose all interest in the story after seeing you do that over and over.

Lastly, I don’t think there was a need for you to add so many question marks and exclamation marks in one sentence. One is enough and should be enough.


h. Writing Style (1/10)
I am not a big fan of how you wrote this story. There was only dialect and barely any describing sentences. I don’t like how you centered the chapter; it threw me off when I read the first chapter because I guess it’s not something I look forward to.

I also do not like how you put the point of views. My suggestion would be to write in 3rd person and not have it be 1st person in the manager’s point of view. Why? Because you can do a page break which will start a new paragraph and that’s when you can write what’s happening at the other dorms.

i. Overall Enjoyment (1/10)
I was actually looking forward to this story because you had my bias— Shin Dongho— as one of the main characters. The poster also caught my attention, making me feel happy about how this story was going to turn out. The description also made me curious but once I read the first chapter, everything that I had anticipated on wasn’t so exciting anymore. I pretty much scanned through the story, reading some here and there.

Total - 28/100%

reviewed by: vangbby