He Captured My Heart

Title (2/5)

You were right about this, but I'm not saying you super in making titles Ha-ha. Not a good enough title, not good enough to catch a reader's attention because honestly, if it were for me, I wouldn't click on your story basing on the title.

Poster/Trailer/Background (3/10)

Plain and simple. I like the font the best, what do you call that? But anyway, I really think you should request for a poster. Not only a poster gives more attention but it also gives you inspiration.

Description/Foreword (4/10)

There are flaws but there is only one thing I want to point out for you and please change it.

This is yours: when you suddenly bumped into the man you call ‘your dreams’.

Don't call that man 'your dreams'. No one would right? I mean, it should be 'my dream' or 'my dream boy/guy' not your dreams because that sounds funny anda lot of dreams when there is only one guy, Kyuhyun.

Also, the description really didn't catch my attention. It wasn't attractive or interesting, but I had to give yours a chance. As for the foreword, I don't really care if you would advertise there or leave author's note so I'm leaving that part.

Plot (6/10)

Truth is, I didn't like it. But there's a part that I liked the best although it isn't unique. The ending. Awesome ending, I really liked it. So you have a six here. To let you know, I hate stories about a fan girl being so super crazy or ignorant or in love over their bias. It actually makes me hate the lead girl for being so dreamy like that and easy going. I just thought she was but never mind. The story itself was nice and it would be nicer to those readers who doesn't mind fan girls and their biases in a lovey dovey.

Originality (3/10)

Obviously it is commonly used about fan girls and their biases. This is just like yours. But I think you had creativity too. The part when she woke up and realized it was all a dream, and how she started spazzing or I don't know what to call that when her friends talked about Super Junior and she was like GRRRR It's hard to explain but I didn't like how she had that feeling that Kyuhyun and her would be together and date. It's annoying but at the same time, it is funny. I usually like characters who sound like a know-it-all or antagonist and I think the girl in your story can act sometimes like that. Haha. So I had fun reading about that girl. Downfall is, although I kind of like the girl, she still annoys me without doing anything to me.

Flow (5/5)

I've nothing to say. This was good and perfectly paced for a four-shot.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (19/30)

There were some parts when you missed a word which made a certain word misspelled. I'm not pointing out the errors because I personally think that you can correct it yourself if you proofread your story as in read it again after writing and make sure to read it carefully. I've seen so much grammar errors as well.

Writing Style (5/10)

It was fine. I half liked it. What I disliked is the name, my username. I know sometimes I become ignorant about it, but actually, I don't like reading stories where they use reader's username because I don't like my username duhh. Hahaha. Just saying, a Korean name of your own choice is better than a username. I mean, it would sound weird if Kyuhyun calls me sususco123! LOL. And also, stop writing too much capital letters like ARGH. SO THAT WAS JUST A DREAM?!  Sometimes it's annoying and dirty to read.

Overall Enjoyment (5/10)

I'm different from your other readers I think? At first, I was reading your story with the feeling of annoyed. I'm not jealous, I'm just annoyed. I mean, even he is her bias, at least she should act innocent first and hard to get. That would be fun to read, especially because Kyuhyun only met her for the first time (which makes Kyuhyun a stranger to a not stranger star anymore, I hate that lol) but then again, when I found out it was a dream and then they met again... I was so glad. Not because it was a dream only, but because they met again. Means they should start over and the girl should be more innocent and just friendly to him not an easy girl who easy goes out with a boy she's only known as Kyuhyun, her bias, part of Super Junior.

Total Score: 52/100%

Reviewer: sususco123