Too Fast to Married, Too Young to End

a. Title (3/5) - Your title is ok, I think .But it's not very eye-catching .There's also a wrong grammar. It should rather be 'Too Fast To Marriage Life, Too Young to End...' or 'To Fast To Get Married, Too Young to End...' . Well, just saying. I find your title cliché by the way.

b. Poster & Background & Trailer (9/10)- Your background and poster is just perfect and eye-catching :) But you don't have a trailer - that's fine.

c. Description & Foreword (7/10)- Your description and foreword is simple and okay! You gave it a teaser and it's clear. The problem is your grammatical errors and misspellings. 

This story about Choi Seung-Hyun who was seen by the police were (you don't need to put 'were')  kissing withTiffany Hwang

Police call (call should be a past tense "called") their parents.

(The) Police wouldn't listen to the (their) explanation (so) they decide (decided)  if they should be: married. (if they should get married)
 

Seunghyun's parents hear it.. As well as Tiffany's parents. Until Seunghyun's mother fainted upon hearing police decision until finally Seunghyun's father whispered a deal to Tiffany's father, and the decision was answered when the police ask for the decision of the TIffany's father..
 

Correct : Seunghyun's parents heard them as well as Tiffany's parents. Seunghyun's mother fainted upon hearing the police' decision. Finally, Seunghyun's father whispered to Tiffany's father that they will have a deal.

d. Plot (8/10) - I found your story typical.  It sounds epic too. Well, that's for me. What sounded epic was when a police saw Fany and Seunghyun kissing and he brought them to the police station just because they kissed? For me it's epic because I have never heard of  kissing lovers being against the rules. But I still like it and I will be waiting for your update and I hope the story would improve.

e. Originality (6/10)- Well, I've read lots of fics that talks about this marriage thing and where lovers lives together, yet the girl thinks that the boy doesn't like her and that when they finally get married at an early age they began realizing that they might not be meant for each other (like when Fany and Seunghyun lived together, slept together, and some other stuffs, they began to think of something - negative thoughts).  But it's good that you added some creativity in the story. Like adding Ji Yong and Yoona in the story with their love story on the other side and the way that the marriage thing came up was all because they were seen by a police kissing. I think it sounds funny.

f. Flow (4/5) - I like the flow of your story. It wasn't slow, but I admit it was rushed in the beginning since it's a sequel, I understand that. Usually, stories I read is slow at first ,well that's because they aren't sequels but yours is. Maybe, I should read the first part too . :) But anyway, your story just came out smoothly as it progresses.

g. Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (14/40) -

There are tons of mistakes that I found in your story but I only wrote those in the 1st to the 2nd chapters and the other chapters. Next time, you should probably re-read your story to make sure you didn't leave any misspelled words or anything else.

-Tiffany sigh. (it should be "sighs" instead of sigh.)

-  Why you being like.." (Why are you being like ..." )

- Seunghyun didn't finished his words. (You should use the base form of the verb. Use "finish" instead of its past tense.)

- I can't life with you like our status. (wrong grammar 'I cant live with you with our status like this.) Seunghyun-ah, don't you know how bad are us on people's views? (don't you know how bad we are...)  Have you think about it?(Have you ever think about it?)  About my feel? (about my feeling?) What my friend said to me after they knew about my status? (after they found out about my status?) HELLO EVERYBODY! I'M GETTING MARRIED! I'M A HIGH SCHOOL GIRL, AND I'M GETTING MARRIED! It's worst for me! And I know the more worst is YOU-NEVER-CARE-ABOUT-MY-FEELING!" (Tiffany cried and fell on the floor.) 

- She just cry and cry after she's married party. (She just cried and cried after her marriage party.)

- asked Seunghyun while he open the door and walked to the garage. (Since Seunghyun is singular, then you should use the word "opens" )

- After heared that, she was crying again.(After hearing that, she started crying again.)

-She can't belief that. She difficulty removing her feelings and her thoughts to herhusband,but Seunghyun's feeling just like that. He's like not assume Tiffany. (She couldn't believe it. She had a difficulty removing her feelings and thoughts to her husband, but Seunghyun's feeling was the same. Like he doesn't assume Tiffany.)

-heared a car machine. (right spelling :heard)

-'Look atthis boy!He would drive me home?! He didn't arrest me?Aish jinjja! My acting wasn't good before, huh? Aisssh!'mind Tiffany. (It should be 'Tiffany thought in her mind.)

She didn't knew what to do again. She didn't care anymore.. (She didn't know what to do again . She doesn't care anymore.)

How are you my preety Tiffany?" (preety is "pretty") shouted Taejon while she comes with Yoona and hasn't look at Tiffany's face yet. (look should be "looked" since you used hasn't.)

Why Yoona is join us?"said Tiffany with weak voice. (Why is Yoona joining us?" Tiffany said in a weak voice.

said Taeyon and hidding some plastic from her. (hidding should be "hiding")

Tiffany sigh and take the gift. (Tiffany sighs and takes the gift.)

She oppened the gift. (She opened...)

"I know, that Seunghyun Oppa never love me.. (instead of the base form love, use "loved".)

Tiffany mumble. (Tiffany mumbles.) "Execuse me, a man who said me to gave this paper to you" (Excuse me, a man told me to give this paper to you."

"CHOI SEUNG HYUN!"said Tiffany, Taeyon and Yoona togather. (Tiffany said together with Taeyeon and Yoona.)

Look at this words! (Look atthese words.) Since you used a plural noun so use these, alright?

"But.." said Tiffany but cutted by Yoona and Taeyong who said, "NO BUTS"  (said Tiffany but Yoona cut her off.)

She give up and walk close to Seunghyun's table (She gives up and walks closer to Seunghyun's table.)

This a black shirt, so match with Seunghyun's bright skin. (Instead of This a black shirt, just make it "This black shirt.) (This black shirt matched with Seunghyun's bright skin.)

In chapter 1(including the other chaps) you have tons of mistakes. I found many misspellings too like speechles (should be speechless), uniqe (should be unique),dissapear (disappear)  and wrong grammars like (not a important thing - instead of using "a" , use "an" since it is followed with the vowel "i".)

You said to me before, that's worst for you to married on this age. (that it's worst for you to get married at this age.)

Tiffany's eyes is too bright, (Tiffany's eyes are too bright.) I really really falling in love with Seunghyun Oppa. (I really am falling in love with Seunghyun Oppa)

I should said that now to Oppa.. (I should say that now to Oppa)

"Don't blame me if I'm cheating, ok?"teased Seunghyun again while wink. (Seunghyun teased as he winked an eye to Tiffany.)

"Gwencana. If that's your final decision, I'll respect your decision"whispered Seunghyun and turn on the TV. (Seunghyun whispered and the TV)

"Really? Open that please"said Seunghyun when he was search some book on a bookcase. (Seunghyun said while searching for some book in the bookcase/bookshelves)

"Why you give Tiffany a beer? (Why did you give .... ) Just add did.

There are a lot more, but I think you should check it for yourself :)

h. Writing Style (8/10) - I like your writing style because you made the words bold (those words when someone talks) and the other, the descriptions and thoughts are not bold. I think it's clean and easy to read ,the only problem is the misspellings and grammatical errors but I already told you that !  So good job anyway !

Total = 59/100 %