Chain Blooded Sisters

a. Title (2/5)
I understand english isn’t your first language, but the title could be better.

b. Poster & Background & Trailer (10/10)
What a great poster. It’s creepy, it’s horrifying, yet it entices the reader to check out your story just as any great poster should.

c. Description & Foreword (10/10)
I liked your description. It was short and concise and gave me an idea what the story was gonna be about.

d. Plot (5/10)
The beginning developed way too fast. Take your time. Explore Yoona’s character and her growth as a child. It will make your story more interesting.

e. Originality (6/10)
Your story isn’t based on the most original idea, but you could definitely give it your own edge.

f. Flow (2/5)
Concise writing is good, but choppy sentences are bad. Try to use smoother transitions and also add more descriptions to give life to your story.


g. Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (15/30)
A lot of errors especially in tense. Remember, you must write in one tense only. I think you just need to keep writing to improve your English though. Trust me, I’ve been there too ^_^


h. Writing Style (5/10)
See my comments for Flow.


i. Overall Enjoyment (6/10)
This story has potential. You could make it really, really scary with the right sort of imagery and detail. I suggest you read widely to get an idea how professional novelists write their prose. It’s always good to emanate someone else’s style before you find your own. 

Don’t let the fact that English isn’t your first language discourage you from posting fics on this website. Keep writing. You can only improve. Good luck! ^_^

Total: 61/100

reviewer: indielokimin