calling simplewrite
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Title (1/5)
The title was pretty lame. I had to read it several times to understand you meant being
friends with fans. You should have made that distinction because I’m sure a lot of people
will think someone has friends who have fans for some reason.
Poster/Background/Trailer (5/10)
The poster is okay but it’s rather simple. I supposed it sorts of fits, gives it the girl-next-
door sort of look.
Background- Obviously you chose newspaper articles because of the plot. However, the
one you chose was nothing special. There are a million pictures of google, you could have
chosen something more eye-catching.
Description & Foreword (2/10)
Description- The first part of the description is good and I think you should have left it with
that. The second part I shall explain later in ‘overall enjoyment’.
Foreword- If you are going to write an author’s note, do it at the end. Also this:
I promise you, this story is different from your usual fanfic even though it follows the basic
format.
Everyone says that they’re story is completely unique from others, but when it follows the
basic format, meaning an overused idea, there’s nothing different about it. It’s just another
cliché story, so don’t sugar coat it and say it’s not.
The Cast (which you need to capitalize)-
SHINee- We already know who they are, there’s no need to tell us. Generally those who
come across your story will have been searching in the SHINee section meaning they know
what and whom they are looking for.
Haerin- Just give us the basic description of a bit of personality and some background
information. Don’t add your own comments in on it, no one cares.
For the other’s that you made up, don’t use pictures of our K-Pop idols and rename them.
It’s the most annoying thing in the world and pretty much everyone hates it when people
do that. If they are Korean idols, and everyone knows they are, do not change them into
people whom they are not. Secondly, don’t use Korean people in place of Japanese. If they
are born in Japan, live in Japan, and have a Japanese name, go find some picture of a
Japanese person.
And again, just give the basic description and background information if you are going to
do character bios. No one wants to read your random sentences that have nothing to do
with the character. If it’s going to be in the story, then just don’t write anything and let the
readers find out themselves.
Plot (4/10)
The plot is beyond amateur. I know some people might think it’s cute to make SHINee or
any other idols randomly get all close with a stranger, but in reality they would never do
that. The plot is so unrealistic and unbelievable.
Originality (1/10)
Pretty much every OC story on this site is about some idol befriending a fan or something of
that sort. They get caught in risky situation and newspaper articles come out or something
dramatic like that. I can find a few and send you the link if you’d like.
Flow (1/5)
The flow is pretty bad. There is no organization here and I can tell that you write whatever
comes to your mind. All of your chapters could easily be combined into one. You make
things go so slow it’s unreal. Speed it up a bit, okay?
Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (24/30)
Point of View (POV)- It’s fine that you switch POV in the story but you honestly don’t need
it. POV should only be used to show different character’s thoughts and emotions when
the story is focused on them. Since you do not have much thought or emotion for your
characters, you don’t need to switch POV. And it should not be written like SHINee; Onew
but as Onew’s POV.
Ellipses- Do you know what this is and how it’s to be used? The three periods in a row …
should only be used to show hesitation. If you do use them only use three and not several
in a row.
Numbers- Spell them out. 4 am should be written as four in the morning.
Emphasis- To show emphasis on a word do not capitalize it, use italics.
Writing Style (4/10)
You have a very amateur style of writing. Either you are still young, I’d say twelve to
fourteen, or you have little or no experience with writing. There almost no flow or plot, just
whatever came to mind as you were sitting in front of the computer. You need to take the
time to stop and think, maybe even write an outline.
Your sentence structures are about the same level as an eight year old child. You don’t write
thoughts, emotion, or put any feel into the story. It’s just a bunch of blank words, a one-
dimensional story that doesn’t even make the reader use brain cells.
You need to read some other stories and see how they are done. Find a story with a lot of
subscribers or on the recommended list because those stories are generally well written.
Read them, study how the author writes, and learn from it. You can improve greatly by just
reading other’s work before writing your own.
Overall Enjoyment (0/10)
I didn’t like it at all. The story was just so unrealistic I didn’t even want to read it, but I had
to. Just the fact that you wrote a story about SHINee being idols who randomly got stuck in
a neighborhood in Japan and went up to some house and stayed the night with a stranger is
just completely ridiculous. If you are going to write about the idol world and not make it an
alternate universe, at least make the story realistic. Never in a million years would an idol
willing stay with a stranger, a girl, a fan.
Total Score: 42/100%
The title was pretty lame. I had to read it several times to understand you meant being
friends with fans. You should have made that distinction because I’m sure a lot of people
will think someone has friends who have fans for some reason.
Poster/Background/Trailer (5/10)
The poster is okay but it’s rather simple. I supposed it sorts of fits, gives it the girl-next-
door sort of look.
Background- Obviously you chose newspaper articles because of the plot. However, the
one you chose was nothing special. There are a million pictures of google, you could have
chosen something more eye-catching.
Description & Foreword (2/10)
Description- The first part of the description is good and I think you should have left it with
that. The second part I shall explain later in ‘overall enjoyment’.
Foreword- If you are going to write an author’s note, do it at the end. Also this:
I promise you, this story is different from your usual fanfic even though it follows the basic
format.
Everyone says that they’re story is completely unique from others, but when it follows the
basic format, meaning an overused idea, there’s nothing different about it. It’s just another
cliché story, so don’t sugar coat it and say it’s not.
The Cast (which you need to capitalize)-
SHINee- We already know who they are, there’s no need to tell us. Generally those who
come across your story will have been searching in the SHINee section meaning they know
what and whom they are looking for.
Haerin- Just give us the basic description of a bit of personality and some background
information. Don’t add your own comments in on it, no one cares.
For the other’s that you made up, don’t use pictures of our K-Pop idols and rename them.
It’s the most annoying thing in the world and pretty much everyone hates it when people
do that. If they are Korean idols, and everyone knows they are, do not change them into
people whom they are not. Secondly, don’t use Korean people in place of Japanese. If they
are born in Japan, live in Japan, and have a Japanese name, go find some picture of a
Japanese person.
And again, just give the basic description and background information if you are going to
do character bios. No one wants to read your random sentences that have nothing to do
with the character. If it’s going to be in the story, then just don’t write anything and let the
readers find out themselves.
Plot (4/10)
The plot is beyond amateur. I know some people might think it’s cute to make SHINee or
any other idols randomly get all close with a stranger, but in reality they would never do
that. The plot is so unrealistic and unbelievable.
Originality (1/10)
Pretty much every OC story on this site is about some idol befriending a fan or something of
that sort. They get caught in risky situation and newspaper articles come out or something
dramatic like that. I can find a few and send you the link if you’d like.
Flow (1/5)
The flow is pretty bad. There is no organization here and I can tell that you write whatever
comes to your mind. All of your chapters could easily be combined into one. You make
things go so slow it’s unreal. Speed it up a bit, okay?
Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (24/30)
Point of View (POV)- It’s fine that you switch POV in the story but you honestly don’t need
it. POV should only be used to show different character’s thoughts and emotions when
the story is focused on them. Since you do not have much thought or emotion for your
characters, you don’t need to switch POV. And it should not be written like SHINee; Onew
but as Onew’s POV.
Ellipses- Do you know what this is and how it’s to be used? The three periods in a row …
should only be used to show hesitation. If you do use them only use three and not several
in a row.
Numbers- Spell them out. 4 am should be written as four in the morning.
Emphasis- To show emphasis on a word do not capitalize it, use italics.
Writing Style (4/10)
You have a very amateur style of writing. Either you are still young, I’d say twelve to
fourteen, or you have little or no experience with writing. There almost no flow or plot, just
whatever came to mind as you were sitting in front of the computer. You need to take the
time to stop and think, maybe even write an outline.
Your sentence structures are about the same level as an eight year old child. You don’t write
thoughts, emotion, or put any feel into the story. It’s just a bunch of blank words, a one-
dimensional story that doesn’t even make the reader use brain cells.
You need to read some other stories and see how they are done. Find a story with a lot of
subscribers or on the recommended list because those stories are generally well written.
Read them, study how the author writes, and learn from it. You can improve greatly by just
reading other’s work before writing your own.
Overall Enjoyment (0/10)
I didn’t like it at all. The story was just so unrealistic I didn’t even want to read it, but I had
to. Just the fact that you wrote a story about SHINee being idols who randomly got stuck in
a neighborhood in Japan and went up to some house and stayed the night with a stranger is
just completely ridiculous. If you are going to write about the idol world and not make it an
alternate universe, at least make the story realistic. Never in a million years would an idol
willing stay with a stranger, a girl, a fan.
Total Score: 42/100%
reviewed by: peacelovehugs
we're NOT taking any request! The shop is busy so if you guys can refrain from requesting anymore reviews!!!
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