Final Heartbeat

Title (5/5)

Oh~ I love the title! It’s very dramatic and sounds very ominous, as well as mysterious! It give the reader a question: “Whose final heartbeat?” I like it!

Poster/Trailer/Background (10/10)

The poster is beautiful! The color is very light and the red-orange-ish color is a nice hur to the words. It totally fits the title and the story. I really do love it. It’s gorgeous. And the background, being the same color, is nice—not to light, not to dark. Perfect!

Description/Foreword (4/10)

Sigh~ So sad… We’ve only two little sentences to go by. Though powerful, it’s not enough to tell the reader what’s going on. I really wish there were more to read off of, maybe a small storyline, a summary—something. But two little sentence? I’m quite disappointed.

Plot (8/10)

If I thought about it some more, the plot would be beautiful, but when one first finishes your story, one is left with a bit of confusion. The plot was a bit chopped up and not descriptive, boring in a sense. But in another sense, it was beautiful, poetic, and dramatic. To make an angst fic, you’ve done it. To make an angst fic with a fluid plot, not so much. Take time to fill in the small details.

Originality (9/10)

It was pretty original. I like it a lot! Though, I usually really hate when people do the “I’ll /kill you because I love you” thing. That still never made sense to me. But here, you’ve done that in a discreet way. But still… You’ve written something that’s nearly everywhere. The originality is in the way you presented it, so, you did wonderful in showing your originality! ^^

Flow (1/5)

What can I say? I’m sorry? No. It was chopped, a bit confusing, quick, and overwhelming. I know it’s a short story, but still, the scenes were cut off so quickly that I didn’t register what’d happened. I also didn’t get some of the scenes because details were missing. Take you time, honey~~ ^^

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (25/30)

Wow~ Very advanced vocabulary and terrific spelling! There wasn’t much wrong with the punctuation either, but there were a couple grammar errors, so I suggest proof-reading your chapters, or having someone else do it, and trying to find the kinks. If it doesn’t sound right, then it either isn’t, or it just sounds weird~ XD

Writing Style (9/10)

I liked how you wrote the story. It was quick but painful. I would like to know who the italicized quotes were from because it was a bit unclear. But otherwise, your writing is simple and advanced. I really like it.

Overall Enjoyment (9/10)

I loved this story! Only complaint is that it was a bit confusing at some points. And everything just sped up all of a sudden and I was thrown off, but it was a wonderful story full of angst and desire. Good work!

Total Score: 80/100%

reviewed by: Star_Sarang