Without A Trace

Title (5/5)
Definitely matches what your oneshot is about.

Poster & Background & Trailer (10/10)
The poster is wonderful—it gives off that mysterious yet daunting aura. The background is fine.

Description & Foreword (7/10)
In my opinion, I feel like your description should belong in your foreword because it’s more of like a prologue. The description should contain a short summary of your story, teasing your readers with what the plot is about. The foreword should have contained what you have in the description. It’s more appropriate.

Anyways, what you wrote has a lot of repetitive sentences. An example is seen below:
What you wrote: In the center of the café was a delicate figure sitting in the black chair that was owned by the café. The figure, better yet, the young boy was silently reading a magazine and drinking a cup of lemonade
What you could have written: In the center of a café, a delicate figure sat on a black chair, silently reading a magazine and drinking a cup of lemonade.

• Reasons for the change; you already wrote that the figure was in a café so why would you repeat it by saying the chair was owned by the café?
• You added too many things which could have been said in one go.

Plot (8/10)
The plot is interesting and deceiving, almost. I like it. I wasn’t expecting Sunggyu to die at the end. The only complaint I have is towards the end, you have Sunggyu and Sungjong in … while in the café? There was no change in scene so I’m guessing they did it in the café and no one was around (I’m guessing).

Originality (8/10)
To be honest, I actually wrote a oneshot that had the same concept as this one—a lover kills their other because they don’t want anyone else to love them. And, I’ve also read a couple of other oneshots that had the same concept so this isn’t really an original, but I applaud the fact that you added your own twist to it.

Flow (5/5)
The flow is fine.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (20/30)
You have a couple of errors in this section and they are noticeable. I’ll list a couple of them below.

This is the second sentence we see;
What you wrote: Darkness surrounds him, involving him in a caring way as a mother would by holding her scared child in a stormy night.
What you could have written: Darkness surrounds him, embracing in a caring way as a mother would by holding her scared child during a stormy night.

• Reasons: ‘Involving’ is the wrong word choice because you wouldn’t say you want to involve a friend, would you? Rather you’d say you want to embrace the friend because the word is more caring and used more often. Also, if you look up the words, embraces means to hug someone; involves mean to contain something, concern somebody or engross somebody.

Another one would be this line;
What you wrote: He just wants everything to end as soon as possible. He’s just tired in being in the dark.
What you could have written: He just wanted everything to end as soon as possible. He was tired of being in the dark.

• You need to have your tenses match up; wants and tired are the verbs being used yet they don't matched—tense wise.

Most of the errors are exactly like the two I pointed out—you’re adding words that does not need to be there and writing words that have to relation to what they’re doing. My suggestion would be to ask someone with good English to help proofread this for you.

Writing Style (5/10)
I like your writing style but because of the grammatical errors you have, I didn’t love it as much.

Overall Enjoyment (8/10)
Very angst-y, dramatic oneshot—I love it! Just work on your sentence structure and try to not use a mouthful of words.

Total – 76/100

Reviewer: vangbby