IDOL COUPON

Title (4/5)

It’s a pretty interesting title. It’s really random, I have to admit. But you don’t really see the connection of the story and the title until the end. My only problem with this title is that you’ve capitalize every single letter… If I said this title out loud, I’d be screaming. You don’t want to scream at your readers. You want to capture their attention, but you do not want to scream at them, so I’d like to see the title look more like this: Idol Coupon. See, nicely put, captivating readers, and not screaming at the top of your lungs. :)

Poster/Trailer/Background (2/10)

Oh… No poster? So sad… I really wish there could’ve been a poster to reel in a reader’s attention even more! But, alas, there is none. The background, however, is very colorful and cute… That really does not fit with this story. Yes, Ren is extremely adorable and all, but the concept of this story is and male pregnancy. Pink and light blue does not really go hand-in-hand with that. It looks more like gift wrap than a background, like you’re packaging your story for your readers and sending it somewhere. It’s weird.

Description/Foreword (5/10)

So, you’ve summarized the characters. Awesome. I kind of wish that they were in a character chart because seeing those big, but beautiful, pictures just up in my face (yes, they take up like 60% of my screen when I’m looking at it and I use a 32” screen TV; that’s big!) is a bit overwhelming. A character chart would’ve been neater, or you could resize the pictures so that they were all the same size; it’s odd to see some big pictures and some small ones. Although you’ve summarized the characters, I kind of wish you would’ve written a summary too. It would’ve made the readers be like, “Oh! What will happen between Minhyun and Ren??” and all. The foreword was pretty good. It did strike some interest in me. It’s was okay except for some punctuation errors, which everyone seems to have a problem with.

Plot (3/10)

Oh… My… God… This is weird… It’s not that I have a problem with male pregnancy, but it’s scientifically impossible. Were it a magical force or, save my blasphemous soul, had it been God’s will and power to bestow pregnancy upon a man, then it would’ve made more sense. But and nowhere out of the blue, a fully healthy, XY-chromosomal male bearing another man’s child is unheard of. The characters used for this story… I just… Sungjong and Baekho? Really? Can you see that? Because I can’t. I mean, some of the characters you put in this story are really out of the blue. Infinite, in real life, doesn’t really seem all that close to Nu’Est, and so, I don’t even know if they’re close enough to put into a fic together. A fic is based off of some real life facts. As for the overall story plot, I swear I’ve seen this somewhere before. Having a feminine man and impregnated is something I’ve seen several times.

Originality (5/10)

Like I said before, I’ve seen this kind of plot somewhere before. And above all, to make it within the music industry is a bit odd. I mean, wouldn’t someone find out what Minhyun’s doing to Ren? Wouldn’t Ren do something about it? Wouldn’t Baekho do something about it? Realistically, many things would’ve and could’ve happened here.

Flow (5/5)

I actually had no problem with the flow. It was great. Not everything happened at once, yet there weren’t chapters that had no action.
Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (15/30): There weren’t many spelling errors, I admit, but there were many punctuation and grammar errors. For example, within the foreword/description you put:
JR a new raising star under the watch of Aron.
It should be:
JR a new RISING star under the watch of Aron.
He’s not raising; he’s rising. It’s a small difference. As for an example of a punctual error, I’ve found this, also within the foreword:
He is very protective He have always been oppose to the idea of Ren becoming idol.
This is a run on. You obviously know where the sentence stops, but you didn’t put a period. I’d love for you to end that sentence there with a period and end your thought.
Here’s a different example where the sentence is just plain wrong. This was also found in the foreword:
Baekho, Ren's older brother.
Umm… There’s a period there… That’s it? No, this is not a sentence. This is a fragment. A sentence consists of a subject plus a verb and ending with an object. Here we have a subject (Baekho). Okay… That’s is… “Ren’s older brother” are words that describe Baekho, therefore, adjectival words; however, what does Baekho do? It’d be great if this phrase was re-written into something along the lines of:
Baekho is Ren’s older brother.
Oh! Look! A verb! There we are. Now that’s a sentence. Nothing much to it.

Writing Style (6/10)

Your writing style is very creative and straightforward. Dialogue is a big thing for you, I see. I’d like to see your grammar improve as well as your punctuation placement. Maybe get someone to look over what you missed.

Overall Enjoyment (1/10)

Ha! I’m sorry. I really don’t like mpreg to begin with. The characters in this story made no sense and I found way too many commas missing. There were also grammatical errors that confused me, and I couldn’t focus very well on the story. I hope that in the future, you become a better writer and that you make a story that’s very successful. There’s always room to improve, so don’t feel bad. ^^

Total Score: 46/100%

reviewed by: Star_Sarang