Sky of love

Title (3/5)
I don’t really see how your title relates to your story… ‘Sky of Love’ sounds more like a tragic title than one like yours. Also, you need to capitalize the l of love.

Poster & Background & Trailer (2/10)
I don’t love the poster; it would be best that you had blended the pictures together rather than cutting it out because it looks awkward. I don’t get the quote you have on that poster either—it has nothing to do with your story, in my opinion.

Description & Foreword (3/10)
Right off the bat, you have grammar errors and it just makes me want to pull my hair out. Then again, if I try to understand what you’re trying to say—I like what you wrote. Anyways, here are your errors:

What you wrote: If that day I didn’t meet you, I wouldn’t have suffered so many great misery, pains and full-of-tear memories. But if that day I didn’t meet you, I also wouldn’t have experienced so much joy, respect, warmth and full of happiness. Are you happy now? To me, I still love this blue sky. Eli...
What you could have written: If I hadn’t met you that, I wouldn’t have suffered so much pain. But if I hadn't met you that day, I also wouldn't be able to experience so much joy. Even to this day, I still love the blue sky—Eli.

•  I only have one thing to say and it is that you can tone down your sentence into something simpler. Then again, I’m not sure what you’re trying to write in this paragraph so I just made your sentences simple. Also, you need to make sure your tenses match up.

The foreword: I really hate just seeing an author's note on the foreword. A foreword is called a foreword for a reason, and I believe that it should contain a prologue, excerpt, or a quote relevant to your story. This is just my opinion, of course.

Plot (5/10)
The plot is pretty bland. Kevin meets Eli—and later meets Kiseop; he falls in love; decides that he loves Eli more; they make love and soon find out that Kevin is pregnant. Not exactly an interesting story because the plot has been used before. If you’re going to go for a plot like this, try to twist some parts up and not go for the usual.

Originality (9/10)
Somewhat an original, even though the plot is well-used on this site—I like how you’re incorporating this in your own way.

Flow (5/5)
The flow is good.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (1/30)
I am a total grammar nazi and the minute I set my eyes on the first chapter, I just started shaking my head. There are so many grammar errors—I can’t even count how many there are with my fingers. Your sentence structures are off—you have words on the wrong spot; your punctuations need help. You’re using words that do not have any relation with the sentence. I tried my best to understand what you were trying to say but the whole time that I tried; I just couldn’t stop shaking my head. Anyways, I’ll show you some examples I have.

What you wrote: Running out of the house, I feel the most energetic ever hoping that I will have a perfect day at my new school.
What you should have written: Running out of the house, I smile widely, feeling energetic and hopeful that today will be a perfect at my new school!

• You just wrote a blob of things with no commas to separate your words. Also, you’ve already mentioned that ‘today’ is a day so why mention it again? (Chapter 1)

What you wrote: I also think that 'What a beautiful day to start my school year!'.
What you should have written: What a beautiful day to start out my school year! I think to myself.

•  Never ever put a period after the ending quotation—especially when you already have an ending punctuation there. This is wrong punctuation usage. Actually, you don’t even need to put that phrase in quotes because this is in Kevin’s POV and a simple italicization to the phrase will do it. (Chapter 1)

What you wrote: " Kevin, you must know about this. I have found the other half of my life. He is..." - Dongho was cut off by Kevin.
What you should have written: “Kevin, I feel like you should know that I have found my other half. He is—” Dongho pauses abruptly, suddenly being interrupted by Kevin.

• Your punctuation usage is just wrong. Never ever space punctuation marks like that! But, I did notice from your recent chapters that you stopped spacing the punctuations and actually wrote it like it’s supposed to be. My suggestion would be to go back and edit your chapters, please. (Chapter 2)

What you wrote: " Come with me, I want to ask for his phone number but I don't have enough bravery. So, I need you to go with me, ok?" Dongho said and dragged Kevin without noticing Kevin's unpleasant attitude.
What you should have written: "I want to ask for his number but I'm not brave enough to talk to him. Can you please come with me?" Dongho asked, taking a hold of Kevin's hand, and dragged him along—ignoring the unpleasant look on Kevin's face.

•  Wrong word choices; it makes your sentence confusing. (Chapter 2)

What you wrote: “ Let him alone! “ I says grabbing the little boy’s hand pulling him to me.
What you should have written: "Leave him alone!" I yell, grabbing the boy's hand and pulling him towards me.

• First off, please look up words before using them. Let means to not prevent something (from happening), give somebody permission, or expressing a suggestion. An example would be: Don’t let the dog get away! Now, in your sentence, I don’t see how let defines it. Second, why did you add in that ‘s’ in say. That doesn’t even make any sense—one person is speaking. Third, you need to learn when to add in commas. I mean, you can’t have a character babbling on without any pauses—that’s the whole point of commas. And lastly, I don’t think Kevin is that young to be called a little boy. Especially since he’s in his senior year of high school.

What you wrote: A few seconds pass while Eli’s staring at Kevin intensely causing the smaller to stick his eyes on the ground embarrassedly.
What you should have written: A few seconds pass; Eli stares intensely at Kevin, causing the pretty male to look at the ground, embarrassed.

• Commas, dear, commas! Everything else is how your decided to structure your sentence and your choice of words. I don’t get why you wrote ‘the smaller’ when you could have just said ‘pretty male’ for Kevin. I mean, he really isn’t that ‘smaller’ than Eli. (Chapter 31)

What you wrote: As expected, Eli’s tip brushes over Kevin’s protest ripping the most pleasant moan, until now, from the boy’s lips.
What you should have written: Eli brushes the tip of against Kevin—ignoring the protest of the pretty male—to which forces Kevin to moan in pleasure.

• Though I don’t write mature content stuff, I do read it; the way you write the mature scenes are fine, but how you’re describing it is just horrible, to be honest. I can’t understand half the things you’re trying to tell me—just like the sentence shown above. First off, why did you write in as expected when… there wasn’t really anything to expect? Do you know the meaning of it or did you just write it there because… you wanted to? Secondly—well, this should have been first—commas. You used commas but they’re in the wrong place. Lastly; what does ripping the most pleasant moan even mean? Are you trying to say he let out a moan? If so, you could have written it in a whole different way. (Chapter 32)

What you wrote: Meanwhile, besides lifting up his hips for more access, Kevin always tilts his head and presses his lips on the other’s shoulder whimpering softly.
What you should have written: Lifting up his hips for more access, Kevin keeps his head tilted to the side and kisses Eli's shoulder; whimpering.

• Meanwhile and besides basically mean the same thing, so I don’t understand why you decided to write the words there—then again, those words don’t need to be there because it doesn’t… make any sense. Writing that Kevin always tilts his heads is more like saying Kevin always lie because always means at all times; through all past or future time. You need to know the meaning of these words before you write it—it is crucial! The last couple of words… I’m not sure what you’re saying so I’m only guessing. (Chapter 32)

Lastly; do not use asterisks to indicate a sound. An example would be this: *ring* *ring*. The whole point of writing is to describe a person, place, thing and/or emotion! It has to be a passion of yours that just flows from your mind to the keyboard of your laptop/computer. Also, do not write in emoticons because it does not belong in writing—at all! Anyways, you have a lot more errors but I just cannot list it all because… it would be quite long.

Writing Style (1/10)
I do not like your writing; it’s very sloppy and (again) I can’t understand what you’re trying to tell me. You have random words appearing when they should not be there and you need to really know when to use commas. Then again, from the beginning to the recent chapter, I can see that your writing is starting to mature: nice, lengthy paragraphs and your dialogue is correctly written. The only thing is that you need to know what you’re writing.

Overall Enjoyment (1/10)
I can’t enjoy a fanfic with the grammar being off and the writing being sloppy. Even though this is a U-Kiss fanfic—and I am a hardcore Kiss Me—I just couldn’t find the will to enjoy this fic at all. I don’t ship Elvin and/or Vinseop and—I don’t know if you read my description—I don’t take mpreg. It’s not a genre I enjoy and the minute I read that Kevin was pregnant; I was done. I won’t take any points off for that though; I’m only taking points off because of all of the above. Anyways, good luck with your future chapters on this fic; and don’t be too bummed about the grade because there’s always room for improvement! It’s also my own opinion and many others probably think otherwise.

Total – 30/100

Reviewer: vangbby