Bad Play

Title(4/5)
Cute title! And really speaks of your plot, its like 'Youngmin's Bad Play'. Amazing, it's simple but catchy for me.

Poster & Background & Trailer(8/10)
I love it. But the pictures, Kwangmin looks more like the bad person. Kidding xD Amazing poster, it was edited really well. Just the skins are not well balanced, so they don't really match. Amazing font too!

Description & Foreword(9/10)

Amazing again. It was faultless and about your prologue, I've mentioned this in your other story. You always use "..." or begin a dialogue like that. You should refrain writing in that way, I know it's not that easy to describe someone's silence or expression with deep words. I still give you a 9 though, because it's amazing, interesting and Kwangmin sounded really helpless and pitiful with Youngmin with him, which is adorable!

Plot(9/10)

It's so complicated, in a good way. So many couples, but I ship the twins most! I think Donghyun and Minwoo's love story is really cute, sometimes I think that they are the main leads T_T Youngmin, on the other hand, is such a jealousy and when he's jealous, he makes up a very stupid and bad plan which makes Kwangmin really pitiful. That's not the way Youngmin should treat him! But I love it, it's your plot anyway.

I hated Youngmin at first, for doing all that to Kwangmin, but in the end he kind of changed after leaving and coming back with a red scarf. Jeongmin and Hyunseong's love story is well, interesting too but not as interesting as Donghyun and Minwoo's position. I love the plot so much, I even checked out the sequel but kind of disappointed about Youngmin being a bastard again.

Originality(8/10)

I'm not sure about its originality. There are other Twincest, YoungKwang or fics out there, but so far I enjoyed this YoungKwang fic! Just not because it's original or not, but because I just simply love the complicated love and your sad romance genre.

Flow (3/5)

It was going really smooth, sometimes it was slow and it bored me. Your story is quiet, and in a few more chapters, there's already full of tears and jealousy. The first chapter was interesting, the way Youngmin looked at Kwangmin and Minwoo together sounded really intense. The next was too, but it was going slightly slow in my opinion.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary(20/30)

You should proofread your story. As for your grammar, there were a couple of mistakes that I found. I'll name them later. The punctuations, again, "..." that one, refrain using that. It's kind of annoying seeing that over and over again. Be more descriptive. Spelling... Not much, but your capitalization is really something you should always check. The word "I" should always be in capital even if it's not the first word. 

Another thing, don't cut out a sentence to another paragraph. Like this in Chapter 1,

I also knew that you would have a hateful expression whenever I do something that I like to do, but which you didn't like to do, but at the end you'd follow me and agree to what I'm doing. Eventhough you're
not looking into my eyes and trying to ignore me, you always think and worry about me. You treat me like an idiot, but you always call me 'Hyung' at the end.
I knew everything about you.

I know you didn't mean that, so I'm just reminding you. I thought “Eventhough you're” is the only sentence, so actually it's not because the other half of it is on the other paragraph.

"Eventhough" should have a space between, "Even though". That's how it should be. 

"agressively" is a wrong spelling, it should be "aggressively"

"There was few students copying the board, whilst there was mostly students just staring at the
board or just doing something else."

Correct: There were few students copying the board, whilst there were mostly students just staring at the board .... etc.

"Hurted" is not a past tense of Hurt and not even proper English. A simple "hurt" is already a neither past tense nor present. So, don't use hurted.

"comming" should be coming.

One of the student screamed out while pointing out.

correct: One of the students screamed out while pointing out. (Because of number agreement, one is singular so the noun should be Plural)

When you type "along time", it should be "a long time". There's a different meaning between along and a long.

I think I'll end it here. You got a low score here since I saw a couple of mistakes, but I read it before reviewing so I can't find everything again.

Writing Style(8/10)

I love the way you write your story. It's the same from your one shot I also reviewed. The grey font only says that your story is a sad romance, since grey really looks sad in my opinion. Just that, you don't describe feelings very well, or someone's silence and instead write "..." a bad habit. Your sentence structures are simple, weak words or sentences but it's straight to the point, much better. It's direct but I suggest you should be more grammatical.

Overall Enjoyment(9/10)

Some boring parts, I still enjoyed it. Adorable Twins, adorable couples. All of Boyfriend are. I just enjoyed it, I was touched and liked the part when Kwangmin was sick and told Youngmin not to carry him but he ended up being carried anyway. They just can't deny their love for each other so it's adorable. I might not enjoy other chapters, but I like the intense, sad scenes more than the lovey-dovey scenes where they kiss or something, making love.

Total - 78/100

reviewed by: sususco123