Everday is memorable... or is it?

Title (1/5)

The title— I don’t like it. It sounds too wordy and confusing, and it doesn’t reflect what your story is about. I don’t understand why you added in a question. If it was supposed to sound contradicting then, I don’t think that worked very well. Lastly, you need to capitalize the necessary word(s) in your title. The title should be "Everyday is Memorable... Or is it?"

Poster & Background & Trailer (1/10)

Since no background or trailer was present, I won’t take points off of that. The poster— I really have nothing to say about it because all we see is two pictures connected together; with some words describing who or what the picture is about. That’s it.

Also, I see that you have an actual poster posted in chapter 5. Question— why don’t you replace that picture you have in the foreword with that one? It would probably make your fanfic look more appealing, and it won’t make the readers get confused as to why Hongki is “getting it” with the OC instead of the MBLAQ members.

Description & Foreword (2/10)

The description— okay, judging from what I see, I guess your description is a description of your character? Descriptions are not for character description/information; description is supposed to contain a short summary of your story. No author’s note, no character description— a short summary of your story. That doesn’t mean write the plot of your story; it means tease us with the plot—make the readers curious!

The foreword— okay, well I like the fact that you wrote a part of the story in there but was there a need for you inform us about the POV? No. And if you’re going to write an author’s note, insert in a break-line and then write your Author’s Note. Don’t just write it randomly.

Plot (1/10)

The plot— I don’t even know if I can say what the plot is because I don’t understand where you’re going with this story. Hyun Sun knows MBLAQ because they were childhood friends then they… go somewhere together and we get introduced to a new character— Lee Hongki. Okay, let me just say this— Lee Hongki seems to be a side character, meaning he isn’t supposed to have a major role this story but from chapters 3 to the recent chapter … This story supposed to revolve around the MBLAQ members, is it not? Yet, all I see is Hongki more of a major character rather than being a side character.

Not unless, you were meaning to add Hongki as a major character. If so, where’s the information about him?

Originality (1/10)

Not much of an original— I actually co-authored with someone who had (somewhat) the same plot as you do. I couldn’t find any originals while reading the story, anyways.

Flow (1/5)

The flow felt like a big blobby, mess. I got bored with the story before I could finish chapter one.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (5/30)

You have a lot of verb, past and present confusions. You added an ‘s’ to words that doesn’t require the extra letter. Your punctuations— where is the period? All I see from your dialect is words with no period, or any other ending marks. Sure you have some here and there but for the most part, there were no periods to end their sentence(s). It looks too messy and I would have passed this story the minute I see something like that. Also, you do not need to add so many exclamation points. ONE is enough, I promise.

Your spelling was fine. The vocabulary— I am not so sure. In the first chapter you wrote in… Hyung. From my Korean-word-knowledge, Hyung is what males call older males. Unless you were meaning to have Hyun Sun as a male then I would understand but I don’t think Hyun Sun is a male. Oppa would be the preferred word. Then again, I see that you changed it in the later chapters— which is good, for the most part. One thing I want to say is, please do not abuse Korean words. I mean, it’s fine that you use the words and all, but when I see a lot of ‘Oppa,’ ‘Unni,’ ‘Noona,’ or any other words, I just get annoyed.

Writing Style (1/10)

The writing style for this fanfic just doesn’t not do it for me— it was too childish and too aegyo. Now, I’m more of an angst-y person/writer but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy fluff— and I know what fluff is. This isn’t fluff. This was just a pile of cheesiness. You had a lot of exclamation points and CAPITALIZED WORDS WHICH ARE NOT NESCESSARY WHEN YOU CAN JUST PUT IN ONE EXCLAMATION POINT, or you can just write in a dialect and follow that with she exclaimed. What do I mean?

“You’re a jerk!” She exclaims.

Simple enough?

One more thing— there is no need for you to add in emotioncons because I do believe there is a thing called writing. You describe their emotions, you do not add in >__< or T___T. I don’t even see a point to write when all you can do is insert emotioncons just to get your point across on their emotion.

Overall Enjoyment (1/10)

I did not enjoy this story at all— I’m sorry. I do like MBLAQ and when I found out this was an MBLAQ story, I was really anticipating on reviewing this story. But my anticipation dropped once I clicked on the story. The poster was just… it wasn’t even a poster. Your description— wasn’t a description. Your chapters were a bit boring and (might I add) dull to read. Hongki was more of a main character rather than the side character. I don’t understand where you’re going with this story so, I just couldn’t enjoy it.

Your points of views need to stick to only ONE point of view. I really dislike it when writers put 5 point of views into one chapter. Sweetie, it is not necessary. All you need is one, and if you can’t do that then I believe there is another way you go about writing this story. 3^rd point of view, omniscient— meaning, you can write what the characters are all feeling at the same time without having to switch point of views so much. So choose one— you either stick to Hyun Sun’s point of view, or you go omniscient.

I know my review was harsh but, really, to improve on one’s writing is to hear and see criticism. It gives you strength to want to do better and prove to the criticizer that you’re better than what they said. Prove to me that you can better— good luck with your story.

Total – 14/100

reviewer: vangbby
P.S remember to post this review onto the FOREWORD of your story with credits!