What Happen When A Clock Strikes Twelve?

Title (2/5)

The title did catch my attention a bit, but it was mostly because you wrote it wrong. It
should be ‘What Happens When the Clock Strikes Twelve?’ or What Will Happen When the
Clock Strikes Twelve?’.

Poster/Background/Trailer (4/10)

The poster is okay, but not great. Personally I think it would look better without the quotes,
they don’t look very good. Plus the fact that the title is also wrong on it looks bag. The
background doesn’t go with the poster at all. I’m sure you chose cute hearts because it’s a
romance story, but generally try to match it up with the poster better.

The trailer wasn’t that great. Not much I can say for that.

Description & Foreword (1/10)

I do not like the description at all. It makes absolutely no sense and you didn’t use proper
grammar or sentence structure.

They said idol can’t fall in love.

Idol is the name of a character then? You have to put ‘an’ in front of idol since it’s not a
specific person. The third and fourth sentences need to be combined and add commas in the
proper places. The last two question sentences don’t make any sense.

Also, The Little Mermaid (movie titles need to be italicized) was a happy ending, right?
Unless you mean the original story line by the brothers’ Grimm.

If you are going to thank someone, feature a shop, or write an author’s note then do it last,
not first.

Characters – All in all, the character is Suzy from miss A, whether you like her or not. Don’t
make the story OC because obviously the two main characters are idols. It’s like identity
theft if you use a picture of Suzy and call her Suzy but say it’s you; that’s completely
ridiculous.

Infinite needs to be capitalized in Myungsoo’s description Most people are already going to
know who the boys of Infinite are so there’s no need to add them to character description.

Your plot description doesn’t make any sense. You need to take out all the You’s in the
story because that sounds so absurd and irritating. Make it Suzy or make a complete OC
character with a different name because no one wants to keep reading about You.

Plot (5/10)

It was okay, but I’ve seen it before so it wasn’t really all that amazing. But honestly though,
I didn’t like it. I mean, I know it’s a fiction and there mere thought that this would ever
happen makes me laugh. But seriously, this is stretching it a lot. No one gets that intimate
or develops emotions for someone they just met.

The whole ‘You’ telling Myungsoo he was like a drug and she was addicted to him
completely rips off Twilight. If you’re going to write something like that then at least give it
time so they can actually fall in love.

Originality (5/10)

Cinderella plots are really overused, but mix it with an OC girl who is so completely common
and there is nothing special about her and then she captures the heart of an idol just makes
it plain cliché. Add a little drama, some heartbreak and there’s the same story by a different
author with a different title. Common, overused, and cliché.

Flow (2/5)

Your flow wasn’t too great to be honest. You write good chapters but you stop them in the
most random places. Take chapters three and four, for instance. Chapter three ended and
then four carried on not even a second later; what’s the point of that? Only stop in the
middle of a scene if there is a dramatic there so you can make it a cliffhanger. There
really is no point in ending and beginning in the same place.

The character’s emotional development flow was a little…rushed? It’s just that Myungsoo
seemed to have a crush on her right away just after knocking her down and then meeting
her at the café for the first time. It generally won’t happen that a guy would then tell a girl
they’ve barely met twice, “Why are you so adorable?”.

Their level of intimacy, first date and he asks her to ice cream off his cheek and then
she gives him a peck goodbye? That’s just…why would you make it happen so fast?

And he doesn’t even learn her name until chapter…I don’t even know, but still. That’s taking
too long especially after everything they’ve did.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (30/30)

Stupendous!

I never thought I would ever actually give 30/30 on this part! You have everything written
so perfectly and I can’t find any mistakes! I’m that I probably came across one or two here
and there, but they were probably dumb ones that don’t matter. Your grammar is absolutely

perfect and vocabulary is amazing! Punctuation is so perfect that it amazes me! Your
spelling is great too.

It is just so nice to read stories where everything is so nicely written. I love that your
dialogue is correct and you know when to add the comma at the end of the sentences and
you don’t add a million periods to show hesitation.

And you differentiate with thoughts, texts, and speech…LOVE IT!

I have to wonder though…you wrote the story so nicely, so why does the description and
foreword so much? It’s like two different people wrote them.

Writing Style (6/10)

I love the way you write. You have very good vocabulary and it doesn’t look like you
were looking up synonyms, every word blended together naturally and it looks great.
Your sentence structures are nice, although you have a lot of sentences that need to be
combined together. But you have too many single sentences and not enough paragraphs.

Overall Enjoyment (5/10)

I didn’t particularly like the story, but I’ll be honest and say that it wasn’t completely painful
to read all the way through. It’s not something I would read if I found it on my own, but I
did enjoy the nice grammar and such.

Total Score: 60/100%

reviewed  by: peacelovehugs