calling SSZE_A501
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Title (5/5)
The title is surprisingly interesting; at first I didn’t quite understand why it was called “Stockholm Syndrome” but then I decided to do some research and it turns out that title really reflects off what you wrote. That is definitely just some genius work!
Poster & Background & Trailer (10/10)
The poster gave off a really mysterious feel to it which really intrigued me. Plus I love the graphic artist who made your poster!
Description & Foreword (8/10)
The description is really cool— I love the second paragraph(?) where you colored the last line pink to make it look like as if it was a reflection— well at least to me it looked like it. I had to look at it for a second time to confirm that you weren’t using some code to make that happen because if you did then I need the code! I’m just completely blown away by that at the moment.
As for the foreword, I wish you could have written the story’s information at the bottom along with the author’s note. The prologue should have been the first thing to look at when I scroll to the foreword because it’s called a foreword for a reason.
Plot (10/10)
The plot is quite genius, I have to say. I don’t think I’ve read another fanfic out there that had this kind of plot to it. I can’t even find a problem to write about.
Originality (10/10)
This is a one of kind so it’s definitely original for me.
Flow (55)
The flow didn’t lack speed nor was it too slow.
Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (20/30)
Okay, you have really nice vocabulary going on but there were definitely a lot of grammar mistakes. There was some that made me stop and re-read the sentence once again before I could try to understand what you’re talking about but then there were some that didn’t make any sense at all. I was thinking maybe you were typing too fast and didn’t catch yourself with the mistakes or maybe just I don’t know. Now I’m not going to give you any examples of the mistakes because I think as a writer you should re-read your chapters to find the mistakes.
Your punctuations… Well they’re alright but I don’t like how you kept putting in ellipses when one of the characters would pause or something. You should, instead, write out their reaction to whatever one of the character had said. It just makes it look nicer in a way.
And also, when the characters are talking on the phone or texting, I highly suggest it that you don’t put in brackets. If they’re talking, use it as a dialogue— quotations and such. Then when they’re texting, you should do something like this:
Hey I’m coming over to meet up with you.
Seyong could feel a soft vibration coming from his pocket as he quickly fishes out a device. His finger hovers over the device, tapping at the notification and seeing a message from Chaejin. He smiles, quickly tapping onto the screen to reply back to the message.
Oh, okay I’ll be waiting for you!
Well, something like that because that’s what I would do if I were to make my characters text each other. Italized using the quotes took given when editing a chapter.
Writing Style (8/10)
Definitely loved the writing style but I think if you proofread your chapters more often and fix the small grammatical errors then it would be great!
Overall Enjoyment (5/10)
I half enjoyed this story because I loved the plot but I lost interest once you decided to switch from 3rd POV to 1st POV. I think you should have stuck with 3rd because it was better to read it in. Plus, when you changed it to 1st POV, you wrote in Seyong’s POV but then I guess somewhere in the middle of the chapter you decided to change it to Chaejin’s POV? I got confused and I wasn’t sure who was telling the story. Then I guess towards the end you stuck with Chaejin’s POV. I would just suggest it that you stick to ONE POV because changing POV’s are not good and they usually mess with what the reader is reading and also the writer.
Total - 81/100
reviewer: vangbby
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