Please Say I Love You

Title (3/5)

The title is okay but not great. It didn’t catch my attention and if I were searching the website I would have
overlooked it. Also, you have it written incorrectly.

“Please Say I Love You”

Imagine that you are standing with another person. Now say the title out loud. It’s basically you telling the
other person to make you say the words “I love you”.

The way it should be written, to make the other person say “I love you” should be written this way:

“Please Say “I Love You”

Get it?

Description-Foreword (0/10)

The description is very bland and tells us nothing about what we are about to read. All we know is that
Nana has a crush on Cheondoong and then gets married to him because of her parent’s decision. What
else is there to the story? Give us something that’s going to get us interested and want to read more.

The character descriptions are unnecessary. If you explain all the characters on the first page then we
don’t get to learn about them in the story and watch them grow and develop. Also, writing the character
descriptions will give a lot of spoilers away in the story. Another thing, just give them one name. Sure, they
are idols and have stage name and a real name, but use one or the other.

Poster-Background-Trailer (5/10)

The poster and background were cute and they matched well, but they were so plain and boring. When I
read a story I want to see that the author took the time to either make or request a really gorgeous poster
for their story. It needs to be eye-catching and inviting, not simple and plain. Imagine going to the movies
and you want to find something to watch but all the movie posters are as plain as your story poster. Would
you want to watch those movies? Not likely.

Plot (4/10)

The plot was terrible. Everything was so random that it seemed there was no plot at all.

Originality (5/10)

Honestly, this is not original at all. A girl has a crush on a guy and ends up marrying him due to her parents
decisions? Cliché! You don’t even add anything extra to make it stand out from the million other stories like
this on the site.

Flow (1/5)

Your flow is absolutely terrible. This story jumps all over the place and is so confusing. One chapter they’re
doing something and the next it’s a whole different subject! Slow down a bit!

Grammar-Punctuation-Spelling-Vocabulary (20/30)

I’m not one to go through it searching for mistakes, but for the most part everything seemed to be spelled
right. There were a few mistakes though.

1 Ellipses the “…” is used to show hesitation most of the time. If you use them only use three, not two or
five or twelve, just three.

2 There were a few words that were not used correctly and some words in the wrong tense. Is English not
your first language?

Writing Style (2/10)

1. Your writing style is very amateur. There is no description and setting to your story and that makes it
hard to picture in my mind, making it no fun to read. You need to include surroundings and such in your
writing because without it, the story is one-dimensional and flat; boring, in other words. You need to write
vivid descriptions that make people see this play in their heads as they read.

2. There is no emotion or feeling in the work. Your characters are bland and flavorless, nothing to give them
spice to make things interesting. You characters don’t even seem like real people.

It seems that you write whatever comes to mind without thinking about it. There is no suspense, there’s no
problem or solution, no events that stick out, and no .

You need to learn a lot about writing. I always recommend people to scroll through the recommended
stories, because generally they are well written, and learn from them. I advise this to you as well, but I also
advise going to google and searching “how to write a story”. This may seem rude, but you could really
benefit from it.

Overall Enjoyment (0/10)

Nothing in this story stood out for me and made me want to continue reading it. It’s boring, dull, and not
something I would recommend to anyone.

Other nitpicks

1 Don’t use Korean words mixed with your story because it does not look good at all.

2 This is a mix between idol world and alternate universe. An idol is a normal girl but her sister is an idol?
No. Don’t. Either make the character an OC or let her be who she is in the real world.

3 Asthma does not hurt your chest, it hurts your lungs and makes it difficult to breath. In any case, a person
with asthma would have medication or an inhaler and know how to deal with it. Lastly, if it did land them
in the hospital, it would not cause them to be unconscious for three days. So if you are going to make a
character had a medical issue, take the time to at least search the disease and get details about it. Don’t
make up stuff, it looks pathetic.

Total Score: 40/100%

reviewed by: peacelovehugs