Honesty is the Reason

Title (2/5)

Lame and sounds more like a children's story title with moral lessons of the value 'honesty'. No offence, it just didn't draw me in even a little. I know Honesty is a good value but only until value, but now you mention it as a title, which I think doesn't really sound good. I personally think 'Love is on Air' is much better, except the fact that that one saying is too common but at least, it would draw more attention than Honesty is the Reason. That is only my opinion though.

Poster/Background/Trailer (7/10)

Both poster and background matches together for me. I like it but the quality of f(x)'s picture there isn't so good. I think the poster maker should have chosen other picture, one with a high quality to give the poster a better look. I'm not the kind of reviewer who gives low grade for this part actually, so a mark of seven isn't bad at all.

Description & Foreword (3/10)

Grammar mistake, capitalizations and punctuations. It looked really messy and if you planned to make it cute, well it didn't sound cute or romantic at all. Veraciously, I had high expectations for this since when I first saw how it looked like (the designs, where the description/foreword is written, I don’t know what to call that thing with cool new font and gray background with pink border line. It looks awesome.) That is why I thought this would be a great story but then, I realized that it's not as good as I thought it was.

First of all, let me check some mistakes although I cannot give you a better word for my vocabulary might still lagged. Anyway, before anything, I would like to tell you that I don't understand the meaning of your description. It sounds amazing, I think. But I don't get it, it might be a riddle or a deep saying that I can't understand. Like, I'll get a clue on you. What did that mean ? How about 'I'll save you after Honesty revealed?' I'm not sure if you made that on your own or somewhere, but I really want to know what this thing means. I understand the rest, but two sentences won’t let me understand it especially when it says 'after Honesty revealed'?

Here is the original (what you typed) in the description:

If I were a SHERLOCK,

I'll get a CLUE on you,

and leave a precious NOTE on your table,

When my ALARM CLOCK rings it means I get out in my Nightmares,

THE REASONwhy my heart like this because I Love You,

Many Strangers is after you I'll save you after the HONESTY reaveled

If we brake up I'll turn on the Time Machine..

"Without a Word you embraced me,

and now I'll shine on you like a Dream"

"I Promise You,

Now this is all at a time it was you, through the living."

"The Reason of this lenght in front of me in sch a Beautiful"

And here, I think you should see the difference that I am going to point at.

If I were Sherlock,

I'll get a clue on you,

and leave a preciousnote on your table.

If my alarm clock rings, it would mean I am free from my nightmares.

Thereason why my heart is like this is because I love you.

If strangers are after you, I would save you no matter what. After honesty is revealed. (The thing is I don't understand that part)

If we break up, I'll turn the time machine.

(and so on ; blablabla.)

At the last sentence, I'm just going to tell you what's wrong. You don't spell length as lenght. It should be 'length'.

Thing is, I also don't understand the meaning or what you wanted the readers to know about the last sentence too. 'The reason of this length in front of me in such a beautiful'. I do not understand it really so the grammar is wrong because I can’t  make it right when I don’t understand it.

Now, check your foreword. Everything looks neat at first sight, but when you read the character's description, you would realize how messy it is. Why? The punctuations. Why don't you use a period in one paragraph? Why is there always a comma? Do you know that you can't always use a comma for more than four times except if you are talking like this : ex."Peeta is handsome, hot, cute, strong, kind, nice and yet he is a weakling." But that is different. You are talking about a character not by simple word like 'kind' but of how they live, where they live, their name, their background and so on. Now that is different.

Example for the description you gave for Kim Key.

Instead of what you wrote, try what I think is better.

Kim Key - He is a rich young boy whose parents died due to a car accident. Since then, his life changed. He is now living with his sister, Kwon Yuri. He is also known as the School Diva in his school. One thing he promised himself was that he wouldn't get married, fall in love or have a baby and only reason of these is because he doesn't want to remember his past.

That is what I think is the right way to write it. Not the professional writing style but a better style at least. Did you notice the difference? You almost didn't use a period there but now there are periods and also commas. Instead of using Mother and Father, you can simply say 'parents'.

Plot (3/10)

It wasn't captivating for me. At first, it was cute that Amber felt something for Key but awkward at the same time. After that first chapter, it went disastrous and boring.

Originality (4/10)
I'm giving you a little credit to this at least, with four marks. It has nothing special, and you should really make it special since Amber looks like a tomboy. So far, I didn't see any twist and turns or creativity somewhere. It's the same thing, Amber a tomboy-like who falls in love with Key...Not something special.

Flow (1/5)

When I read chapter 1...I was like 'Wow, love at first sight'? Okay so, I couldn't believe that. I hate how Amber's heart immediately started beating just because she saw this cute handsome guy and waved at her. It was way too fast than I expected. Something that is interesting, romantic or a conflict should have happened first. I mean, I don't really like it this way but I leave you with one mark only because I am trying not to be a grammar Nazi and I sure hope I can refrain from doing so.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (8/30)

You see, 8 is my lowest here. Or is it? What I am saying is, I'm not giving a lower score than this.

Using this '* *' for thoughts doesn't look good. I just think you need more proofreading, use punctuations and don’t leave words hanging. It's blotchy. Also, you can't use capital letters after the word 'I' really (ex. I Nervously fold the paper). It should be 'I nervously fold the paper'. See the difference right? Use right tenses, use right plural and singular forms the right way not the wrong way. Past tense and present tense as well.

Seriously, to be brutally honest, I did find almost everything a major mistake. But I know you can still improve that, you need to practice through internet if you don’t want to listen to your English teacher and also because I personally think that the internet is more detailed than English teachers. So listen, practice your English, add something more in your vocabulary (other terms for talk, walk, fast, nervous, etc.), make sure not to forget the right punctuation, remember to spell right and have the right grammar. That way, when you learn something new and when you read more often (English books) then you can be a better author. I swear. Your writing might look like an amateur right now, but don't give up. Just saying.

Writing Style (1/10)

I'm really sorry to say, but it doesn't look like you have a style at all or you just failed. I'll show you one out of all your mistake of why I don’t like your style.

Example (your original)

"I will visiting you in the school tomorrow and I'll be schooling there oh I got to go now Bye Key"She said

My note to this, is that... Check the subject... It's singular... Check the verb... Why is it visiting when you have the word 'will'? Okay so, it's hard to explain so I will try to show you the right way to write that sentence.

I will visit you in your school tomorrow and I'll also study there. Oh, I have to go now! Bye Key!" She said.

Note: If you meant that she was saying, she is going to the same school with Key then say  'study there' or simply 'go there' not schooling. You can't use the verb 'visiting' when the word before it is 'I' or 'will' and you can't finish a quote/saying without punctuation.

Overall Enjoyment (1/10)

At least I gave you one point here for SHINee and f(x) because I like those bands. Unfortunately, the story didn't attract me. It's too fast in the first chapter, then when I read the second to the third (last) chapter, it was just plain boring and unrealistic. Seriously, I tried to be nice as possible but I apologize if I was harsh. I wish not too much though.

Reviewer's note: Do not give up your story though. FIGHTING! FIGHTING! I suggest you read novels and you can be a good writer anytime. You just have to think about crazier ideas, weird imaginations, better grammars/writings and you will improve! Remember, this is only the beginning!

Total Score: 31/100%

reviewed by: sususco123