Publicity Lies

Title (4/5):
I like your title. It’s straight to the point and I can literally tell what the story will be about. However, it would have been better if you left out the group names. They don’t need to be in the title since they are mentioned in the characters section.

Poster/Trailer/Background (7/10): 
The poster fit the story atmosphere, I guess. I mean, you can tell right away that the story will either be bittersweet or just sad. But after that…

Description/Foreword (5/10): 
The description was alright. I understand that as a collection of oneshots, its difficult to create a description that is specific. Also, a foreword should be some sort of summary of your story. Giving just the character profiles isn’t good enough for a foreword. You should add a quote, or a phrase, or a paragraph describing your idea or vision.

Plot: (6/10)
The plot was boring. It had a beginning and just stayed somewhere in the middle. There was an attempt to add an ending, but it was a cliché ending. Are you planning to make another continuation? If you leave it like that, it seems as if there is no point in writing the oneshot in the first place.There was no action, which can be acceptable considering that it is a oneshot. 
I love how you did your research though.

Originality: 3/10
Despite the idea that both characters are stars and that their relationship is a complicated one, the plot is fairly overused. At least it wasn’t cancer that got her… It is a oneshot, so I can’t say anything. But then again, I read a lot of oneshots featuring a sick person and another person generally grieving. Try making your next oneshot more different. Even if the plot is overused, try adding another twist to it. A cool character trait of a different setting can change a boring topic into a fresh one!

Flow; 5/5
Very good flow. It didn’t rush at all. I would have liked it if you wrote more about their past and their public relationship; it makes the oneshot seem more informative rather than leaving it open-ended.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (27/30)
"A meteor shower," he breathed and felt her slip her hand up to rest of his chest.
You mean “on”, right?
When Heiji had departed, Lien let out a muffled giggle that made the room a little lighter for the surprising strength of the sound
“had” should be deleted. It’s better with “when Heiji departed.”
Heiji turned his attention back to Lien, checking vitals, complaining that she was neglecting her meals, and generally sounding like a mother with a sick child
“Heiji turned his attention back to Lien, WHO WAS checking vitals…”

You have a pretty clear oneshot. There isn’t much grammar mistakes that detract from the story. I had to glance through it with a fine tooth comb to find some mistakes. You’re making my job hard…. Good for you!

Writing Style (7/10)
You’re writing style was normal. It was average. It wasn’t bad nor was it superior. But that’s ok, considering that most people fall below that range. You actually wrote in paragraph form, unlike some people out there. It wasn’t filled with unimportant details but just enough to get the story going. The dialogue punctuated Changmin’s thoughts well. Good job!

Overall Enjoyment (7/10)
This story was average for me. I didn’t feel particularly curious as to what will happen but it did not turn me off in any way. It’s just a normal story. Normal plot, normal characters. I did enjoy how you actually researched( or made it realistic enough to pass as the real thing). I would suggest on double spacing your work; it makes it much more easy to read. 

Total: 71/100

reviewer: susanyeunkim

Comment: I’m so sorry for not doing this sooner! I had a computer malfunction! I hope you can forgive me!