A Surprising Birthday

Title(3/5)
Since it’s only A Surprising Birthday, I deducted points. It’s cliche and not very eye-catching. Well, for a one-shot maybe others might click on it since it’s Jaejoong’s birthday, especially Cassies and Jaejoong fans.

Poster & Background & Trailer (6/10)
There is no official poster or trailer, but I’d like to consider the pictures and a small poster in Chapter 1. Even if it’s simple, I still love it since it’s for Jaejoong’s birthday.

Description & Foreword(8/10)
Just what I expected. It was a bit predictable. It was simple, straightforward and a little bit descriptive. Your foreword is amazing, I love it so you got a high mark in here.

Plot(7/10)
Just another birthday one-shot story where the guy is lonely because his friends are ignoring him, and he thinks they forgot about his own birthday, including the fans. I’ve read a lot of birthday one shots of different KPOP artist, so yeah, I still liked it. The twitter thing when no one greeted Jaejoong in Twitter struck me, because my friend greeted him on Twitter and I didn’t because I didn’t have a Twitter. I also find it hilarious when Junsu and Yoochun had to tell a funny lie to Jaejoong, Yoochun with a daughter and Junsu with a nephew. I laughed at that part.

Originality(4/10)
I like the Jaejoong version, although  the plot is common. I still like it. The fanvids you put helped a bit because it made me tear up. You could have added more creativity though, or a short conflict for a oneshot but anyway, it was still a great story.

Flow(5/5)
It was going well. Perfect. I have no problem with it. Jaejoong walking lonely in the first scene, calls his friends and family, cursing his fans and friends and families, then in the end he was surprised they prepared something for him. It was touching and the flow was pretty well.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (25/30)
Everything is actually great. But Punctuation is not so great. Including using right capitals and exclamation marks. You have a few wrong spelling but if you proofread it, you can just change it. Example is “complet” it should be “complete”. “Course” should be “curse”. Course is a direction or a path, or progression while Curse is a prayer of evil .So when you wrote Jaejoong coursing his friends, family and fans, it could have been “Jaejoong cursing his fans, friends and family.” Luckily, I liked your grammar. It was well written too.

Writing Style(9/10)
I absolutely loved it. You just have to describe things in an exact, creative way.

Overall Enjoyment(8/10)
Since it’s a oneshot and it’s about another birthday story, I’ll add a point. And of course, it’s for Jaejoong’s birthday so another point. It was a sweet oneshot despite its lack of originality. Your score here isn’t that perfect since I feel like “sad” or lonely because Yunho and Changmin aren’t here. I know they are not JYJ or something, and I truly understand why it’s only Junsu and Yoochun. I just miss reading DBSK as five. But still, I enjoyed this. The fanvids made me cry, the story itself was heartwarming and it made me happy to see/read JYJ happy.

Total Score: 75/100%

reviewed by: sususco123