All you need is 20 seconds

a. Title (3/5)

You title is nice and fits your story well, but it's not capitalized properly. It should be; “All You Need is 20 Seconds. Also, I think it's a little bland. I would most likely skip over it if I were looking for a story to read. A title like '20 Seconds' is much more captivating and gets the reader wondering right from the start.

b. Poster & Background & Trailer (6/10)
You poster is cute! I think it could be just a bit more cutesy to better fit your story, but it looks nice.
No background or trailer, but no points taken off. 

c. Description & Foreword (4/10)
Your description is just plain awesome. I don't know what else to say about it. Not only does it fit your story, it's very inspirational ^__^
However, your foreword isn't looking too hot... Everything you have at the very beginning of it should be placed at the end because it breaks up your story... It's kind of distracting, as a reader (basically, everything until 'characters' should be at the end).
Also, I don't like character profiles. I'm pretty sure 90% of readers just skip over them, or forget everything the profile told them two chapters into the story. Your foreword should have a preview into your story! You can describe your characters later :)
I would suggest putting your description as a foreword (since it's kind of like a quote) and rewording all the character information into a professional paragraph. It's a lot easier to retain and apply complete sentences, rather than bullet-ed lists.

d. Plot (7/10)
The plot was very unclear to me at the beginning. Infinite is the Kingkas, right? It says that they don't bully and pick on people in the beginning, but in the second chapter, the main character says the she gets bullied by the Kingkas. I think maybe you should have made it a bit clearer at the very beginning of the second chapter that she was part of the sister school. I had to reread the chapter when I figured it out >.>

e. Originality (8/10)
Although I don't read many stories with this plot, it's not very original. I do like how you had them go to separate schools though~ I thought that was unique 

f. Flow (5/5)
Your flow is just perfect! :) I didn't think it progressed fast at all. 

g. Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (27/30)
Your spelling and grammar is just fine, but you have a lot of run-on sentences and comma splices. I would watch exactly how well everything flows :)
Your vocabulary is good, too. There's not many overused words or restating the same thing over and over ^__^

h. Writing Style (8/10)
Your style is simple, but enjoyable. You make breaking the fourth wall seem natural XD The transitions are a little jerky, but not too distracting.
Also, you shouldn't randomly change font sizes/colors in the middle of a chapter. That's what italics and bold are for! :)
One last thing (sorry for being so nit picky ^^;;) Don't change the point of view so drastically. There is a huge difference between first person and second person. I don't mind either one, just stick to one! 
You do a good with character interactions, though. I could see most of that stuff happening in real life x)

i. Overall Enjoyment (10/10)
I enjoyed your story a lot; you had me giggling and smiling, which is rare for me in with a romance story. You also had me worried towards the end... Even though I knew it'd work out, it was still worrisome >.<


Total - 78/100

reviewer: 8symmetrical8